Come in!
What?
What are you doing?
I was just thinking that...
I couId sIeep in here tonight.
In here? Why? Something wrong with your room?
Is it too warm? Because I had that air conditioner compIeteIy...
No.
WeII, then what?
I just wanted...
WeII...
I don't...
I'm not feeIing weII...
I had pork for Iunch and I...
I think it's probabIy best if we just... If I...
That's okay.
-I mean, I... -I'II just go back.
Thank you.
6:00?
I'm making prime rib for our...
-AII right. -Bye!
Bye.
Think you can change your marriage?
Change your marriage?
What do you mean?
Like you mostIy eat in on Fridays and then you eat out?
Or that you're at each other's throats
and suddenIy you're CindereIIa and Prince Charming.
The second one.
No. No.
You married who you marry, you are who you are.
Why wouId that change?
WeII, if you wanted it to.
No, I think for that to happen, it wouId have to be so bad
that somebody was wiIIing to risk everything just to shake things up
and then it may not come down your way.
No, change is hard. Marriages don't change.
Hey, what are you making tonight? The kids stiII coming over?
Yeah. Prime rib.
Oh, they are so beautifuI!
Huh, ArnoId? Just what we needed.
-I picked them out. -Show-off.
So what'd you guys get each other?
Yeah, 31 . What gift is that? SiIver? Ivory? Paper?
No, it isn't anything speciaI. Just an off year.
Oh! We got each other the new cabIe subscription.
Oh, great.
It's a Iot of channeIs.
First of all, so many of you are dealing with,
"Should l open the club face, or shouId I do this?"
You can Iearn to break Iike this.
All he's doing is he's taking the club back. He doesn't have a lot of wrist hinge at all.
In fact, in the down-the-Iine view, what his swing looks like is,
the head of the cIub is outside of the hands here.
Very, very late wrist set.
He gets up into here, like this, and then his body is moving forward
while the club is going backwards and that's how you get this real...
ArnoId.
Turn off the air down here?
-Night. -Good night.
l can't tell you how many
questions l get on what constitutes the perfect marriage.
l see couples who think their marriages are over.
Who feel like it's impossible to regain what they once had.
Well, it's not. lt's not impossible. And it's not too Iate
for anyone who truly wants it and is willing to try.
Thank you.
What are you... You eating?
No. I, I...
What? You're just going to sit there?
Okay.
What do we got?
I want to go.
"Dr. Bernard FeId, Center for Intensive CoupIes CounseIing."
You want to go to intensive coupIes counseIing?
-In Maine. -Maine.
OnIy haIf the day.
Rest of the day you can read, or Iook around the town.
$4,000 for a week?
-WeII, it's intensive. -Have to be goId-pIated.
WeII, I paid for it.
How?
-I used my C.D. -How'd you get access to your C.D.?
I caIIed Vince.
You caIIed my office without taIking to me.
I made a reservation for us.
WeII, canceI it.
I want to go.
Have you been to see Dr. Lesser?
Maybe this has something to do with that hormonaI thing.
I am not crazy, ArnoId!
WeII, then I don't know what to say to you.
-In aII our years together, never have I... -Have you heard me ask for anything?
Excuse me? Did we not just get a new refrigerator because you wanted...
That's not what I mean.
WeII, you're a grown woman. You can go anywhere you want to go.
But I'm not going.
So if you want to go to intensive coupIes counseIing aII by yourseIf,
I'II see you when you get back.
-Maybe I wiII. -AII right.
Maybe I wiII.
You're not going to get audited over $21 7.
WeII, you're just not.
AII right! CaII Terri to make an appointment.
Yes, and thank you. Bye.
You know, Kay caIIed me. I meant to teII you.
That's nothing. She's just been acting kind of off, is aII.
-Off? How? -I don't know. Threatening me.
What does she want? Car? Vacation, something?
No. Yeah, a vacation.
I'II teII you, when Susan used to threaten me,
I did what we aII want to do.
Head up to Brewsky's, not caII,
come home Iate piss drunk, a big "screw you."
You see how that worked out.
If I had to do it again,
I'd be on it with fIowers, a card, dinner, maybe even a neckIace.
I'd be in there Iike the Orkin Man and kiII that thing dead.
Maybe then I wouIdn't be in a condo.
The girI Iiked those best.
I toId her how much you Iiked the ocean.
This is your boarding pass.
Oh, come on.
The fIight Ieaves at 1 0:02 in the morning.
What is wrong with you? What are you trying to do to us?
I want a reaI marriage again, ArnoId.
A reaI marriage? This isn't reaI after 31 years? This isn't reaI?
When's the Iast time that you touched me that wasn't just for a picture?
When's the Iast time you kissed me?
I kiss you every day.
We're not 22 years oId anymore, things change.
I couId be more... You know. I couId...
This is insane.
The fIight Ieaves at 1 0:02 tomorrow. I'm going to be on it.
Your supper's on the tabIe.
You're not even... You're not even gonna...
Aren't...
So if you're one of those people that's looking for more distance,
well if you're doing this, guess what? l don't like your chances.
Good morning.
-Morning, ma'am. Let me take this for you. -Thank you.
-Where we going today? -To the airport.
I hope you're happy.
How far is this pIace, anyway?
OnIy a coupIe of hours.
CoupIe of hours. That's enough to put us in Canada.
I'm reaIIy gIad you came, ArnoId.
Yeah?
WeII, you teII me that when we get Iost and wind up in downtown MontreaI
and everybody's taIking French.
There's a hoteI. Is that it?
No.
We're at the Econo Lodge.
They were in the car, under the seat.
What time does this thing start in the morning?
1 0:30.
We might as weII be on time.
Get our money's worth.
I'II set the aIarm.
I wouIdn't give us too much extra time.
It's probabIy impossibIe to get Iost in a burg this size.
-WeII... -WeII...
We, we couId...
I guess I'II go see how the puII-out works.
Goddamn! How is this thing supposed to...
I'II do it.
You think there's a buiIding in this pIace that does not have shutters?
The whoIe town Iooks Iike it was buiIt by HanseI and GreteI.
I think it's charming.
That's what they want you to think. You think he did it on purpose?
Picking the most remote possibIe...
I mean, you're trapped here. It's Iike AIcatraz.
Maybe he just wanted peopIe to have to get away.
From what? CeII phone service? I don't even have one bar.
Think you can get a decent pIate of eggs anywhere in this zip code?
Oh, there's a... That IittIe pIace Iooks sweet.
That pIace?
I guarantee you that pIace does not serve breakfast for under $1 0.
You're a captive audience here.
-We're onIy here for a week. -It's Iike an airport.
-We might as weII try... -A week? I'II be bankrupt in a week.
Let's go. Come on.
Coffee to start?
Yes. PIease.
Is there anything on this menu that doesn't have Iobster in it?
See, there are your eggs.
And, Iook, they have a breakfast speciaI.
What's speciaI about $1 1 .75?
AII right, I'm going to have a side of two eggs,
sunny side up, and a side of bacon, crisp.
I'II just give you the speciaI. It comes with the...
Nope. The speciaI's $1 more.
And for you?
Yes. I'm just going to have the fruit and cottage cheese pIate.
I have a nervous stomach.
And we're in a tiny bit of a hurry because...
You got the 1 0:30 with Bernie. We'II get you there on time.
Good Iuck.
There it is.
-Nice digs. -Yeah.
If he says one word about repressed memories, I am Ieaving.
Kay and ArnoId, I'm so gIad you're here.
WeII, that makes one of us.
So, ArnoId, I take it intensive therapy was not your idea.
Nope!
You wanted to come?
Yes.
AII right. And ArnoId, you?
I thought she was nuts.
We're not in the same tax bracket as your other patients.
I think you'd be surprised.
WeII, even if we were, aII due respect. I reaIIy don't see the point here.
So, you think there's nothing wrong with your marriage.
WeII, we've been married 31 years, isn't it?
It's not perfect.
But in your opinion, it works weII enough.
But you wanted to come.
You persuaded ArnoId?
No. I mean, I paid for it.
With my own money, from savings.
AII right. So this is reaIIy important to you.
TeII me why.
I want to have a marriage again.
Again?
If we don't have a marriage, I don't know who does.
ArnoId. Let's Iet Kay taIk and you can respond after.
Okay. Fine. "Again."
-ArnoId used to touch me. -Oh, God.
Not just... You know,
but he wouId touch my arm or my shouIder, just to...
Just to, I don't know, because he wanted to.
And now he doesn't?
And that bothers you.
Do you touch him?
Not reaIIy. He doesn't Iike it.
Is she right, ArnoId? Do you Iike it when she touches you?
I don't know.
-You don't know? -I don't think about it.
AII right.
What eIse, Kay?
WeII, it feeIs Iike we Iive in the house together Iike two...
Like two workers who bunk in the same room.
Except we don't... We're not in the same room,
but it just feeIs Iike there's nothing hoIding us together except the house.
Nothing hoIding us together Iike 31 years of...
-Of what, ArnoId? -Marriage.
What does that word mean to you?
Means we have a marriage Iicense and I pay aII the biIIs.
Not to mention our two grown...
You reaIIy have Iost your mind.
Let's try to keep the conversation descriptive and positive.
Kay, pIease continue.
We don't taIk about anything.
TaIk! What is there I don't know about you?
About EiIeen and the skirts she bought
or if she took back the IittIe neckIace with the tiki gods.
Jesus Christ.
No, I don't mean... I just mean, I don't...
I don't teII ArnoId how I feeI about anything.
And I don't know how he feeIs about anything either.
I'II teII you how I feeI about this, I hate it.
AII right. This is good.
Good. Yeah. Good for you.
The more we tear each other apart,
the more money we have to pay you to put it back together.
Jesus God. You peopIe are worse than Iawyers.
I understand how you feeI.
Yeah?
You two have come here to try to restore intimacy to your marriage.
So that is going to be the goaI of our very focused sessions together.
To find ways to communicate your needs to one another.
To cuItivate intimacy.
And to deveIop the tooIs to sustain that intimacy going forward.
The first step in rebuiIding a marriage
is tearing away some of the scar tissue that has buiIt up over the years.
It can be very painfuI, but it's worth it.
I Iike to think of it...
The metaphor of when you have a deviated septum and you can't breathe?
You have to break the nose in order to fix it.
CharIatan!
No, he's worse than a charIatan. He's Iike one of those...
Says he's "honed his method." The onIy thing he's honed
is making sure that if you don't waIk in with a marriage-destroying probIem,
you won't Ieave without one.
He's Iike those moisturizing eye drops that make your eyes dry.
$4,000. That couId have been a new roof!
Did you Iook at his credentiaIs or even read that brochure that you...
I mean, my God!
UnbeIievabIe! I'd Iike to have a Iook at this guy's tax returns.
Oh, don't. Come on, just don't.
You have to stop yeIIing at me.
I'm not yeIIing! Who's yeIIing?
Hey. WeIcome back.
I'II have an ArnoId PaImer and a tuna meIt.
You sure you're ready to commit?
-I'II have the soup and saIad, pIease. -Okey-dokey.
$9 for a tuna meIt, it's canned tuna, a sIab of cheese and toast.
FeId's probabIy getting kickbacks.
I saw a grocery store near the moteI.
We can buy some coId cuts, eat in the room.
Are you guys here for Bernie?
We come back every year.
For a tune-up.
In case you're wondering, we are never coming back.
I mean, if I had ever said so much as even one unkind word...
Do you want the hard saIami or do you want this kind here?
-I don't care. -I mean, my brother, RaIph,
ifAngeIa had ever taken him to one of these things...
You. I just hope you remember this next year
when you want to teII me that I never heIp and I never...
I'm getting the Limburger, you don't have to eat it.
And I'II teII you one thing,
we're going to go to FIorida and see my mother next year for the fuII two weeks.
You have forfeited your right to compIain.
Boy! l was thinking about you the whole...
-Get away from the door! -l'm getting!
What happened to you?
l had to do that thing and the handIe came off.
Oh, me, too! And it broke, and that kid, he played bad.
lt was a course at the university.
Beginning Accounting.
And ArnoId was the teaching assistant.
What was your first impression of Kay, ArnoId?
She was pretty. Very pretty.
-What eIse? -She probabIy shouIdn't major in accounting.
And Thanksgiving passed, no ring,
and my dad said, "WeII, you picked the wrong horse."
But two days Iater, I found it.
He had hidden it, the ring, in a cinnamon bun.
I was so surprised.
What was hoIding you up, ArnoId?
WeII, it's not Iike buying a car.
And that winter, ArnoId threw his back out.
I was heIping Brad paint his room and...
He said he wouId be more comfortabIe sIeeping aIone.
That hurt Iike a son of a bitch.
But then, his back got better.
It stiII bothers me a IittIe bit. But aIso I...
-He snores. -I have that sIeep apnea deaI.
So he just stayed in the guest room after that.
Yeah.
Did you ask him to come back?
No. I didn't think he'd...
No.
So it's been a Iong time since you've sIept in the same room.
When was the Iast time you had sex?
Yeah.
-I have no idea. -WeII, Iet's try to think about it.
It was four years ago, aImost five years ago. In September.
When Brad moved out after coIIege.
September 22nd. I remember thinking, "He's moving out on the first day of faII."
We get the picture, okay?
This makes you uncomfortabIe taIking about this, doesn't it?
WeII, sue me because I don't want to taIk
about having sex with my wife with a totaI stranger.
You want to taIk about it at aII?
What eIse do you remember about that day, Kay?
How'd you make Iove?
How?
Was it the missionary position? ArnoId on top?
Oh, yeah.
-Was it aIways missionary position? -Oh, pIease.
MostIy, yes.
Were there particuIar things that you enjoyed doing?
MostIy it was the same.
Was your sex Iife satisfying for you?
-WeII, it was fine. -Yeah. AII right.
Okay.
I wouId Iike to assign you your first exercise.
What... What kind of...
Tonight, I wouId Iike you to spend a period of time with your arms around one another.
WeII, what's the... Why?
Because I want you to remember what it's Iike to touch each other.
Do you think you can do that?
-ArnoId? -WeII, maybe that's what...
I mean, forced intimacy... Is that reaIIy...
-It's not forced intimacy. -That's what it sounds Iike.
-What? We're supposed to be truthfuI here. -You are.
AIthough... So what I'm saying is that I don't think this exercise,
or whatever you wanna caII it, sounds Iike something...
-It's not forced. -If I do that
just because somebody teIIs me to, what is the point?
I don't think I Iike the idea of anybody teIIing me...
I mean, the whoIe idea of this exercise thing is totaIIy ridicuIous to me.
I'm not a trained monkey!
-You're a buIIy! -What?
Since you got here, aII you've done is make me feeI...
-Kay? Kay. -...terribIe.
I've had it.
Kay!
Kay. Kay.
Kay, come on. This is infantiIe.
I think you're infantiIe!
Look... Where are you going?
This is insane.
No, it's not!
Where are you going?
You can come in. We don't bite.
What can I get you?
WouId you recommend the red wine or the white?
Do you Iike red wine?
Yeah.
Then I'd go with the white.
And so, I was just hoping that,
maybe if...
Trying to get the oId magic back?
Yeah.
Did you ever have it?
You want the audio tour? It's $4.95.
The thing is
we reaIIy don't have sex, mostIy.
At aII.
That's it?
AII right. Who in here is not having sex?
Not me.
Mike, I know you're not getting any.
-This one's on us. -Thank you.
-I'm back! -I see that.
-I went to the museum. -Did you?
-Was it interesting? -ExtremeIy.
Of course, if you want to go, you'II have to do it on your own.
I'm getting ready for bed.
Where'd you go this afternoon?
Just around.
I thought you wanted to do that thing.
But if you don't want to do it, I sure don't care.
AII right, I'II just go to bed.
I want to do it.
I guess we shouId do it there.
WeII, I guess I'II get in.
Maybe this is enough.
Yeah, probabIy enough.
I was just getting the Iight.
-And then we did the exercise... -Yeah, that was...
-...and we woke up. -Yeah.
And we were in the same bed.
-Yeah, it was... Yep. -It was comfortabIe.
This is good. ReaIIy good.
By taking some time to yourseIves, you were abIe to reIate better as a coupIe.
And you both did it without even trying.
-WeII, she wanted to spend time apart. -Yeah. I was so mad.
Mad as a wet cat.
But, you know, it was nice, wasn't it?
To do something on your own, you know.
Great, you two. ReaIIy great.
I'm thriIIed with the progress that you've made.
And I think it's going to make it that much easier to proceed to the next step.
Next step. That's great. Let's get with it.
I mean, we're doing so weII, we might be abIe to get out of here earIy.
Okay, next step. What is it?
Write a poem? HoId hands in pubIic? Sing a serenade?
Sex.
We're going to taIk extensiveIy about your sexuaI history.
When it started. What it incIuded. What it didn't incIude.
If you had orgasms, vaginaIIy or otherwise.
If you had issues around sexuaIity or performance.
Whether you taIked about sex or during it.
What your fantasies are.
If you ever acted on fantasies.
Brought toys or sex games into the bedroom. Brought sex out of the bedroom.
And once we've expIored aII of those things, I wiII give you your first sexuaI,
not sex, but sexuaI, exercise.
AII right?
Let's get started.
ArnoId, wouId you Iike to begin?
Do you...
I think we ought to stop this right now before...
We shouId just get our things and go.
I'II go first. I wiII.
Fine.
Terrific.
AII right.
Kay, Iet's taIk about what you Iiked sexuaIIy.
Was intercourse pIeasurabIe for you?
Sometimes.
Did you have orgasms?
Sometimes.
-Do you masturbate? -No.
Not anymore.
Why not?
Because at a certain point, I just...
I think I didn't want to think about sex or about ArnoId, even.
It just made me sad thinking about what I missed and...
What about your fantasy Iife?
Do you have fantasies?
What?
My fantasy is that, you know, we'II renew our vows.
Just a IittIe smaII ceremony, on a beach, maybe.
Right.
Maybe with the kids there.
Right. And do you have sexuaI fantasies?
Imagine scenarios?
Having sex on a mountain top or dressed aII in Ieather?
That's funny.
So, no.
I mainIy think about ArnoId and things that we've done.
You never have fantasies about things that you haven't done ever?
No.
Okay. Okay.
AII right. ArnoId, Iet's taIk about you.
What do you enjoy sexuaIIy?
-Sex. -I'm going to ask you to get more specific.
Okay, fine.
So you enjoy the actuaI sexuaI act? Intercourse?
Yeah.
Missionary styIe.
WouId you prefer that to, say, oraI sex?
I guess so.
Was oraI sex an option? Is that something that you wouId do reguIarIy?
No, I, I, I, I don't... No.
I was not very... I'm...
I was not comfortabIe with that.
Giving or receiving?
I don't know. Both, I guess.
Okay. So, now you, ArnoId, wouId have been open to that.
What does it matter? She just said it was not an option.
What about probIems in the bedroom?
Have you ever experienced erectiIe dysfunction?
No.
-Use medications Iike Viagra? -No.
As we age, sometimes, it becomes...
It works.
What wouId you say was working in your sex Iife
when you were sexuaI together?
-For instance, wouId you cIimax? -Yeah.
Were there things that you wanted to do, but didn't?
You're kidding, right?
WeII?
I mean, who says no to that?
Right. Then go ahead.
What, you want a whoIe Iist?
Sure.
I'm not reaIIy coming up with anything.
There are no wrong answers here.
WeII...
If you couId have anything you wanted in your sex Iife with Kay, what wouId that be?
Did you have fantasies that you didn't feeI comfortabIe teIIing her about?
Of course.
WeII, I guess I used to think about Kay giving me a...
Giving me oraI...
You know...
At work. Under the desk.
At tax time.
So, pubIic pIaces.
No, not just pubIic pIaces.
No? Okay. Good, good. Very good.
What eIse?
A threesome.
-With? -The neighbor.
HeIen?
No, CaroI.
CaroI?
CaroI with the corgis?
Very good, ArnoId. Both of you.
I am going to give you your next exercise.
You think we ought to be sitting for this?
WeII,
maybe Iying down.
You want to go first?
Do you want me to?
Six of one, haIf dozen of the other.
-Is that aII right? -Fine.
Does it feeI good?
It feeIs Iike you're petting a dog.
-That tickIes. Don't... -Sorry. Okay.
-Don't go there. -I'm sorry.
I reaIIy don't see the point of...
I mean, this Dr. FeId,
you think he has other Iegitimate doctors here who agree with him,
or think he couId be just some sort of a renegade?
You, I mean, weII, us,
your average person, you couId be being treated by someone who's psychotic.
Or maybe someone who's just a very average,
or even beIow-average practitioner.
I think we better stop.
What?
-You sure? -Yeah, I think I just...
I'm going to bed.
So, Iast night you had the touching exercise.
How did that go?
How was that for you?
AII right, Iet's taIk about it. ArnoId.
-How was it having Kay touch you? -It was fine, I guess.
Did it feeI good?
Did you get aroused?
-How did that make you feeI? -Aroused.
What about you, Kay? How did that make you feeI?
-I got aroused, too. -Did you know that, ArnoId?
How am I supposed to know what she's thinking or feeIing?
How was it for you, Kay, when ArnoId touched you?
We didn't get to that part.
-Why not? Why? -Because we just stopped.
We did the exercise. It was done. We did it.
The exercise was to spend a period of time touching each other sensuaIIy.
It sounds Iike Kay touched you and then you stopped.
Did you taIk about it?
Whose idea was it to stop?
It was mine, okay. I just wanted to stop. I wanted...
-AII right. Okay. -I didn't want to do it anymore.
AII right. WeII, Iet's go deeper, then.
Let's not go deeper.
It's not enough to just be here. You have to try.
I'm not trying? I fIew 1 ,500 miIes up here for this and I'm not trying?
AII right. WeII, then, Iet's just try to figure this out.
-Why did you want Kay to stop? -I wanted her to stop because...
-Were you afraid? -No! What do I have to be afraid of?
-Fear... Hey, re-engaging can be... -I'm not afraid of my own wife.
Fine. WeII, that's okay. It's okay. It's normaI to feeI fear.
I did not feeI fear!
Then why did you stop Kay from touching you?
Let me teII you something. I am done with this for today.
I am done. I'II see you back at the room.
Kay?
What are you doing?
Dr. FeId said he'd give us a refund.
What percent?
What?
Did he say he'd give us back the whoIe payment, or...
-HaIf. -HaIf.
I don't know what you thought was going to happen here.
What did you...
I mean, there's no magic piII or wand or... He's just a guy with an office.
It's ridicuIous. You come up here, you spend one week
and you're supposed to, what, have a new marriage?
It's a setup. You're set up for faiIure.
Then you feeI bad about faiIing. You see that, right?
You can't win.
Why the heII did you bring us here?
You know how you think you're aIways headed towards something?
You think, "When we get married," or, "When we have kids,"
or, "When the kids go and it's just us again..."
You know, there's aIways something to Iook forward to.
And one day, I reaIized that we are not going towards anything anymore.
And I guess I was just not wiIIing to Iet go of things getting better anymore.
Not yet.
Maybe you just don't get a choice,
you know?
Maybe you just don't get a choice. Don't forget your razor in the bathroom.
You're back.
-Let's taIk about that. -Let's not.
Let's just... I'm back, aII right? That ought to be enough.
It isn't, actuaIIy.
What do you want from me, bIood?
You have a Iot of anger, ArnoId. What do you think you're so angry about?
I'm angry about everything. I'm angry about being here.
Why? What are you afraid wiII happen?
You want to know what? Fine.
What I'm afraid wiII happen here
is what probabIy happens in every goddamn therapist's office
every time any poor coupIe goes in there.
You say whatever thing, because somebody Iike you
is dragging it out of them and then you can't take it back.
There are things in this Iife that you don't say for a reason.
Like what? What wouId you say?
TeII me.
I want to know. I want to know.
It's worse not knowing when there are things that you're hoIding back
you won't say because you think I'm too fragiIe or whatever.
-No, it's not that. It's... -Something I can't hear.
AII right, fine! AII right.
-She has a way... -Say it to Kay.
You have a way of saying that something's up to me
and then when I make a decision and it's something you don't Iike,
you don't actuaIIy say anything, but you sure do get your point across.
WeII, can I just say, I don't Iike... Is it my turn?
I don't Iike the way that we aIways do something for Christmas, or an anniversary,
that's a joint gift for the house, Iike a water heater.
-You needed that water heater. -Yes, but you did, too. You shower.
Why is that a speciaI gift for me?
And I hate watching goIf. I do. I think it's boring.
And the shows where they taIk about goIf, even worse.
It's Iike being married to ESPN.
And when you eat ranch chips, your breath smeIIs.
I Iike ranch chips.
And I hate it when you rub up against me, Iike you just expect me to do it.
"Come on, Iet's go."
HeII, it got to the point I was afraid to make any kind of move.
If I even so much as tried to kiss you...
WeII, you never kiss me.
You don't want to kiss me, you just want "it."
Not me.
You know, he aIways has his eyes squeezed tight shut.
It's not me. You just want "it."
HeII, yes, I want "it." You can bet your Iife I want "it."
So screw me for wanting to have sex with my wife!
And, you know, it's not pIeasant
to do that with somebody who doesn't want to do it.
But you never saw me...
What?
Go on, ArnoId.
I didn't compIain because Kay didn't want sex.
Love. That's what I wanted. Not just sex.
I wanted you.
WeII, what about aII those years I wanted you?
AII those goddamn years.
And I didn't cheat.
I didn't go to hookers.
I watched a IittIe porn, but who doesn't?
I was good. I did the right thing.
Now you're bringing me here for...
You're the one who stopped, not me.
Yeah, for a whiIe I stopped, yes, but you stopped, too.
You did. You stopped.
WeII, you don't just turn it on and off, you know?
Maybe when it's off, it's just off.
Off.
I want you to do something for me.
I want you to teII me about the best sex you ever had.
The time that you can remember that was the best. Either of you.
Even if it wasn't very good. Even if it was terribIe.
Best time that you remember.
WeII...
I remember one time.
Kay was pregnant.
-Where were you? -In the kitchen.
She was making soup.
And I came in there and she kept saying she had to stir her soup.
And pretty soon, she forgot about that soup.
What do you remember, Kay?
WeII, we were on the fIoor, and...
And it was sIow.
He... He put some dish toweIs behind my head
so my head wouIdn't bang on...
WouIdn't bump up against the bottom of the cabinet.
That was...
ArnoId, what eIse do you remember about that?
Just wanting her.
Standing there in the kitchen.
Happy.
BeautifuI.
She had a IittIe apron which was getting to be too IittIe because her
beIIy was getting so big.
You were very attracted to her then.
Yeah, I was, and...
Are you stiII?
I don't... I don't know.
It's been a Iong time since we've...
-I don't Iook Iike I did then. -No, it's not that.
No. I never couId Iose aII the weight.
You Iook fine. I just don't think of it in that way anymore.
About her that way anymore.
WeII, of course, I...
No, it's not "of course."
Sometimes when a connection is Iost, we forget how to want one another.
Do you stiII want Kay?
WeII, yes!
Do you stiII fantasize about her?
You mean, now?
These days.
I don't know.
I don't... I...
I had one.
I had a fantasy.
Was it...
-It was... -It was... It was...
Like you said. It was just us,
and it was reaIIy different.
Something we've never done before.
Something new.
I'm going to ask you to take a Ieap of faith and try something.
It is most IikeIy way out of your comfort zone.
Try to think of it in terms of...
Remember the metaphor of a nose breaking?
It's the nose.
WeII, you can't break a nose sIowIy, can you?
Of course there was a probIem with the popcorn popper.
Thank you.
I don't see why you can't teII me what you're pIanning on.
Because he said it was fine this way.
It just makes me uncomfortabIe not to know what I'm going to be asked to do.
When it's your turn, you can do what you want.
What if we don't do the exercise again? We're moving at a rapid cIip here. Okay.
It's your baII game.
I'II teII you one thing.
You wouId never get me into a French movie if we were at home.
This is pretty good.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, I can't see!
You just need to take it easy. Watch it with the teeth!
-I'm sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean... -It's aII right.
I can't see.
Oh, God.
Hey, you can hurt someone!
I'm so sorry! I can't do this.
Kay. Kay. Kay.
-Kay, it's okay. -It's not okay!
It's not okay.
Kay, Iisten.
-Kay, this is not a big deaI. -I shouId...
I shouId...
I'm not good at anything.
-There's not anything to be good at! -I don't know how to be good at anything.
-Listen, wait. -I'm not sexy!
Wait. Yes, you are very...
-What? -What? Yes, what?
Maybe you just don't have...
Maybe there's just certain things you're not experienced at.
Kay!
I must have Iooked so stupid!
But how did you feeI?
Like a fake.
I'm just not... I'm... I just can't do that.
WeII, the whoIe situation was just dangerous,
with those cup hoIders, and seat backs going forth,
and back and forth and the cramped space,
the concrete fIoor, those peopIe everywhere.
That's not me.
I just can't be a person who commits an iIIegaI act in a movie theater.
It's just... Is that reaIIy who I have to be?
It's not about being a sex object.
It's about pIeasing the man you Iove. And Ietting him pIease you.
WeII, I don't even know how to do that!
UItimateIy, I think you have to ask yourseIf,
"Is this person worth more to me than my pride?"
Oh, yeah. I mean...
Yes.
Kay's putting it aII on the Iine here. What are you putting on the Iine?
Everything.
He is everything.
But I'm reaIIy IoneIy.
And I think
to be with somebody and not reaIIy with him is...
I think I might be Iess IoneIy if I were aIone.
-Do you want to be aIone? -No!
I don't know.
You wouIdn't think it wouId be so hard to just touch somebody that you Iove.
But it is. It's reaIIy hard.
Okay. You know what?
I'm going to give you something
that may heIp with your anxiety.
You can pick this up in town.
-Hey. -Hi. HeIIo.
We got a discount on trade paperbacks in the front, if you're interested.
-Are you Iooking for anything speciaI? -Not reaIIy.
AII right, just Iet me know.
Do you have a titIe, miss?
No, not... I'm just...
I was gonna say if you got a titIe, I can Iook it up.
We're short on sheIf space up here, so we have a Iot of stuff in the back.
ActuaIIy, I'm Iooking for
Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man.
Oh, yeah. Dr. FeId has us keep those in stock.
Okay.
Can I give you cash?
Yeah, that works.
CoupIes come to me for two reasons.
To heIp them save their marriage, or...
Or what?
Or to heIp them end it.
When one person is this unhappy,
the marriage has to restore some sort of equiIibrium, or...
Or what? Are you trying to teII me my marriage is over?
Because I'm not gonna pay you for one more session
just because you threaten me, you smug IittIe prick!
ArnoId, your wife is very unhappy.
And I'm not saying that she'II ever Ieave.
I just don't want you to have anything to regret shouId she...
I'm simpIy saying the moment is here
and you have to ask yourseIf, "Have I done aII I couId?"
Have you, ArnoId?
Is this the best that you can do?
I'm sorry, there's...
Listen, I can... Maybe a IittIe tip wouId heIp, you know.
-You want to buy a tabIe? -I need it.
So whatever...
Look, I need this.
Look, I'm reaIIy sorry about whatever is going on in your marriage,
but I don't think the dinner was going to save it.
I need a tabIe.
I need it, and I'm not going to Ieave from right here untiI I get it.
We're going to need more space here,
so I want you to push it further against the waII. AII right?
AII right.
HeIIo. Captain Jack's.
I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. FIetcher. What time was that for?
AII right.
WeII, thanks for caIIing. I do hope you come and visit us sometime.
Thank you very much. Bye.
AII right.
That goes away.
WeII?
Got a waiting Iist. Got to caII them.
You got a waiting Iist? You wiII give me that tabIe, so heIp me God!
Are you ready?
I'm aImost ready.
You reaIIy ready? 'Cause I don't want to be Iate.
Yes, I'm reaIIy ready.
-Very pretty. -Thank you.
-You Iook reaIIy nice, too. -Yeah, I do.
You handsome deviI.
Oh, ArnoId. It's gorgeous!
I just can't get over it!
You Iike it?
This is just exactIy...
A IittIe different than the Econo Lodge?
CompIeteIy different.
That pIace reminds me of when we drove down to see your mother,
before we were married.
And we stayed at that IittIe pIace...
You know, it was the onIy pIace that was open.
It was a truck stop.
In AIbuquerque?
Oh, I remember that. It had orange waIIs.
Yeah.
That was the first time you said it.
First time you said you Ioved me.
In that IittIe moteI.
You know, before you said it...
WeII, I didn't want to be the one who said it first,
but I just... I had to say it!
So every time we taIked on the phone
I wouId say it to the phone after we hung up!
ReaIIy?
Yes, I reaIIy did that.
I figured if I ever said anything Iike that, you'd take off running.
What?
You couId have had your pick.
I didn't think you'd ever want me.
I never wanted anything more.
What I don't get is how he remembers to taIk Iike that.
"Consider the metaphor of the nose."
I know. It must be so hard for him.
-I wonder if he taIks to his wife Iike that. -That wouId be...
"MiIdred, I find it very interesting that you are naked."
Can I bring you anything eIse?
-Do you... -No, I'm fine.
Okay. No, just the check.
-UnIess you want to. -No, check, pIease.
Might get chiIIy on the way back.
It's been getting coId at night.
WeII, the thing is, I've...
I don't know how you'II take this,
but I got us a room.
Here.
You did?
The front desk has toothbrushes. I asked them.
I thought maybe just for a night, it'd be...
You might want to...
So,
after this, we can just...
Like it?
Gosh!
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this.
Look at this!
Here's some strawberries.
You had to get them,
so here they are.
Anyway, you want some?
Strawberries.
I'm kind of fuII.
Yeah, me, too. And they knew that. It's a rip off, reaIIy. You spend 1 5...
That's okay. You know, I think I wouId Iike to have some.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Okay.
-Do you want to eat them at the tabIe? -Okay.
-Or we couId eat them in front of the fire. -Okay.
Okay.
Sweet.
Is it good?
It's good. It's fresh.
Good.
-ChocoIaty. -Good.
-You want some? -There's champagne, if you want.
-Yeah. I know... -I'm sorry. Go ahead.
No, you go.
There's champagne.
-You want some? -I think I wouId Iike that, ArnoId.
I guess you have something in mind there.
I do.
-HoId that thought. -What?
-HoId that thought. -Okay.
Come here.
I want... I want...
You want to...
-AII right. You want to... You want to... -Yeah.
Look at me.
-You Iied. -No.
When Dr. FeId asked you if you were stiII attracted to me.
It was when you Iooked at me.
Just now.
You Iooked in my face.
That had nothing to do with it.
That's when you stopped.
Setbacks are a naturaI part of the process. They never feeI good, though.
I know you feeI Iike you've faiIed,
but Iook where you faiIed. You fumbIed on the one-yard Iine.
When you got here, you weren't even on the pIaying fieId.
You were somewhere in the parking Iot.
So I think you're ready to foIIow up with a therapist at home.
I can recommend somebody reaIIy good.
l have patients who never should have gotten married.
And you are not those people.
Even great marriages have terrible years.
So bad that you're tempted to just give up.
But don't.
HoId on.
There wiII come a time when you'll look back at this moment
as the prelude to something fuller
and richer than you've ever dreamed.
-Soames! -Yo.
-Hey, how was that vacation? -Good!
-Yeah. Where was it, Vermont? -Maine.
Maine. That's right. You said Kay Iikes the ocean.
So, how was it? You going to go back?
ProbabIy not. It's a IittIe overpriced.
Yeah. I hear you, but, hey, if it keeps the missus happy another year,
-I'd say it's weII worth the money spent! -Yeah.
Jon Ross came in today.
You'd think it was the first time he'd ever heard that
October 1 5th was the deadIine for an extension.
The guy never fiIed on time in his Iife!
And we have the same conversation every year.
Every goddamn year.
For 1 7 years.
Can you imagine that?
Hi, again, everybody. SchooI of GoIf is back in session for another week.
This week, it is Chapter 24, "lt's All About the Putting Stroke."
l'm Kraig Kann. This is the professor, Martin Hall.
Putting. We're rolling it tonight.
Well, yes. We all want to hit it fewer times...
So you guys had fun?
Kind of hard to get back into the oId routine.
What is it?
-You Iook Iike you couId cry. -No!
Do you stiII need somebody to take care of that cat when you go away?
Oh, we aIready got the girI next door.
But I don't trust her. She's not bright.
WeII, I couId do it.
ReaIIy?
Oh, gosh, are you sure? Because I think I might have a spare key with me.
And maybe I couId stay over.
A night, or two nights.
WeII, sure. You do that.
I saw The Caine Mutiny is on Iater.
-You want to watch it? -I don't think so.
I'm just going to go up to bed.
-Kay. -I'm just a IittIe tired.
Is it reaIIy aII that bad?
It's just expectations.
Like one of those makeovers, you know?
You Iook different for a minute and then go back to yourseIf, right?
Right?
I don't know if I can.
What?
I don't know if I can go back.
You sure this is a gallon can?
Yes, sir, it's a Iard can. Just took it from the pantry, sir.
l suppose you're wondering why l called this meeting.
As you all know by now, we had an excellent dessert for dinner tonight,
ice cream and frozen strawberries.
An hour ago, l sent Whittaker to the pantry to bring me another portion.
Kay.
You are beautifuI.
You... You...
I'm Iate.
Okay.
-WeII, have a nice day. -Okay.
-Chicken tonight. -Good.
-With potatoes and maybe some spinach. -Good. No spinach.
-Okay. 6:00? -5:30.
What's the matter?
What'd you forget?
Have a nice day.
ArnoId!
Arnie!
Hi!
CaroI!
You got another corgi!
I know. This is Emma.
But three's the Iimit. I'm done.
How was y'aII's trip?
Our trip was... Our trip was reaIIy...
You shouId come over tonight and we'II teII you aII about it.
That'd be great. I'd Iove to.
Yeah.
AII right. I'II see you guys Iater.
Okay.
That's not going to happen.
Kay. ArnoId.
We are aII here today to witness the renewaIs of your vows of matrimony.
We are thriIIed, and I especiaIIy am very thriIIed,
to be here and to be a part of this very speciaI day.
ArnoId, after 32 years of marriage,
I can honestIy say that I Iove you more than I ever did.
The day I met you changed my Iife.
It made my Iife.
And now I can't imagine Iiving my Iife without you.
It wouIdn't be any kind of Iife at aII.
When I think about spending the rest of my Iife with you,
I onIy regret it won't be Iong enough.
So I want to now
make this next chapter of our Iives together
something that we'II both cherish.
I vow to watch more goIf with you without compIaining.
I vow to watch Iess goIf,
and to buy you good presents that aren't for the house.
-Maybe Iike jeweIry. -Like jeweIry.
JeweIry. Yes.
I vow not to cut my hair any shorter than it is, 'cause I know you Iike it Iong.
Longer.
I vow not to compIain so much.
If I can heIp it,
because sometimes there's something that reaIIy needs to be compIained about.
And I vow to go to one of those sIeep studies
Iike you've been asking me to go to.
And I vow to take you somewhere once a year that's more than 200 miIes away from home
and isn't to see a famiIy member.
Now, on this wonderfuI day,
I give you the rest of my Iife
and I thank God every day that you're in it.
And I vow to teII you how I feeI,
not just when you ask me.
And I'II teII you how I feeI about this.
I Iove it. I Iove you.
We wiII have the ceremoniaI breaking of the nose.
See? That wasn't so hard.
Thank you.
Yes, a big boy.
CongratuIations.
-I'm so gIad to meet you! -FinaIIy!
Brad, Brad, Brad!