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THE SPAT
DAUBRAY -LACAZE CLEANING MATERIALS
Bernadette, are you asleep? - Yes.
Did you hear that? - What?
A spy. I'm certain.
I saw him. He's looking for the designs.
Let's go. - Let's go.
Go on.
Not through there, through there.
Oh, it's the cat.
Open up. It's me. - I'll boil him.
Open up. Open up. - It's not a burglar. It's the idiot.
Yes, the idiot.
What are you doing there? - I was patrolling.
Better cover yourself. - So did you see anybody?
Yes, you, but it was too late. - He was only following orders.
He's a fool. A fool.
I don't want it.
Doctor's orders. - He's an asshole.
Why? - For coming on to you.
Swallow this. -No. - Swallow.
Bernadette... - We've been married for 23 years.
I've been your wife as a girl and I've been your wife as a woman.
I admire you and I love you, but now I'm tired.
I can't sleep. - Just count your workers.
One worker, two workers...
three workers, four workers...
five workers...
It has to smoke more. We need to pollute.
Why? - For my Japanese.
The little one. Quickly.
No, no, that one's mine.
The neighbours will be happy.
I don't care.
Leave Arthur in peace. - Where are you?
Here. In front of you. - But where?
The lunch! - Yes, it will be ready.
But there's 12 of them. - Don't worry.
Where's the fog gun? - On the hill.
They'll fire in half an hour. - What's the signal?
We'll wave a white handkerchief. - Yes, we'll go like this.
Come with me.
Did you get me the sole and the pollack? - Yes, Mrs. Daubray.
What's the recipe called? - Hondazaki.
I don't know that. - It's plated raw.
With cider vinegar and soy.
I'm sure that's your husband again. - Yes, that's my husband.
My Japanese buyers. Look. - Take it easy, boss.
I know this road. I can see it clearly.
I'm here.
They're Japanese. - My Japanese!
Excuse us. We're lost. - I'm sorry. Where's the president?
He's there.
Mr. President! Mr. President!
Give me your hand. - Come here.
I can't. My suit.
Sir! That's not the president. It's the other one.
Mr. President, wait.
I'm Mr. Daubray-Lacaze.
Hichumacho. - To the car, my good President.
This is the famous CX22...
for which you made the trip.
No pictures. No pictures!
No pictures.
What were you doing?
Photo finished.
My CX22 cleans up all noxious fumes...
dust, mist, noxious particles...
exhaust fumes... all the pollution...
that we inhale in the cities.
It does this within an area of 4 km.
Let's give a demonstration.
There we are!
The president asks where all the fumes go. - They're completely disintegrated.
What's he saying? - Hei means Ah!
What's he saying?
The president wants to buy. - To my office!
What's that?
Windmill with accumulator.
I use the accumulator. Breathe.
In the morning, you put it in the window. The wind blows. It charges.
And in the evening, you have electricity until the next morning,
To my office!
Solar oven.
He's buying. - To the office!
And that? - This is where it started, 50 years ago.
I was really young.
And I made it all.
He wants to buy. - No, I couldn't. To the office!
Mr. President, for how much are you buying?
100? - 3.
300? - 3000.
3000. - 3000! Let's sign right away.
3000... the contract.
Contract. - Pen.
A pen, please.
Oso disi doso. Lunch is served.
Sit down, gentlemen.
Mr. President, please sign here.
The president will sign...
the contract after lunch.
French cuisine's excellent.
No, not that. Bernadette, the calvados.
What? - The calvados.
But Guillaume, the culinary arts... - Yes, but business...
The shot of calvados is a French tradition.
Much like hara-kiri is an old Japanese tradition.
Calvados... head back!
Attention. - Bottoms up!
Calvados! - Bottoms up!
That hurts.
But immediately after... appetite... appetite.
Calvados... heads back!
Bottoms up!
Calvados... heads back!
Bottoms up!
And now sign.
Calvados! - No, sign first.
No, now the cheque.
No, with this.
How much?
Zero.
3... 4... 5... 6...
And sign, please.
Oh, marvellous!
Oh, thank you!
It's over. Finished.
Old French custom. The plane to Tokyo. Right away.
That's so pretty.
What's it called? - Summer Night's Smile.
Ah! 3000! - 3000 what?
I have to deliver 3000 CX22s in 3 months. - Calm down.
It's been signed. - But you wanted it.
We have to expand. - Make yourself bigger. You love that.
There's the land of the Count De Morton. - Impossible.
You beat him three times in the elections - The land of Mrs. Bourgoin then.
But she's not dead yet. - She's not dead?
There's that piece of land. - But that's state property.
So it depends on the prefect. He's a friend.
I'll go see him tomorrow. Which one...
for a prefect? - This one.
It looks sad enough. - Help me.
You should be able to do that by now.
Will you be nice to the prefect?
Good day, my friends.
How is Mr. Daubray-Lacaze? - Very well!
My wife's doing fine as well.
I wanted to ask you. Which disease did you come up with to give her...
an injection every morning? - Are we a bit curious?
There.
Perfectly natural manure.
Dear friend. Very fresh. Still warm.
You're so nice.
Which disease did you come up with to visit me every day?
Oh, Bernadette. - This "Oh" is a confession.
Did you see your factory's chimney? The fumes and the gasses?
I know. Guillaume has been going for it.
So have my members? - Your patients?
No. You know that I'm the president of the ecological committee.
Ah, yes, excuse me. A noble activity.
You should tell him to calm down. - No way.
He just signed a great contract. He's on top of the world.
I think it's great. - You're gorgeous.
If you'd want...
I'm faithful. - Ah, yes.
And a man like Guillaume needs more than 24 hours of protection per day.
Or surveillance. - Of course.
Careful. It's a carnivore. And venomous. Spit it out.
The local elections will be held in one month.
I plan to run against your husband.
That would be a mistake. It wouldn't be nice and you'd lose.
I'm on good terms with the majority. - He is the majority.
Always laws and counter-laws. - Then I'll talk to the opposition.
He is the opposition. The opposition holds the majority.
Don't worry. I'll be very gentle. - It's still a needle.
I'm sorry. That has never happened before.
Mr. Prefect is waiting for you, sir.
Mr. Prefect. Mr. Daubray-Lacaze. - Mr. Prefect.
Sir.
We'll continue playing while we talk. - Of course.
They touched. It made contact. I saw it.
What brings you here? - The Japanese did.
They ordered 3000 of my CX22s.
You know how small my factory is. I have to expand.
How? - Well, the state owns...
a piece of land that borders on my factory.
Rent it out to me. - That's very difficult.
You haven't had any good press, lately. Your factory is a big source of pollution.
We have to take that into account. - But I need that land.
It's impossible. So that's a no?
Yes. - A final no?
I'm afraid so. - Your turn.
Alright.
That's a point. Did you see? Still my turn.
What are you doing?
I'm playing billiards.
Both again.
Excuse me.
Another one. Thank you.
Mr. Prefect, about the land... Do you still say no?
No. - No?
No.
It's your turn now.
The chairman of the bank is waiting. - I didn't understand a word.
The chairman of the bank is waiting in the room.
The chairman of the bank.
Can I sit down. - No, remain standing.
May I insist... - Is this again about my deficit?
Yes. - I don't care.
You know, the board of directors in Paris...
Turn around. - But I'm your banker.
All the more reason.
Cover your ears. - Listen, Mr. Daubray-Lacaze...
Cover your ears.
Better than that. Like that.
Look. What's that?
A cheque. But in which currency? - In yens.
The strongest currency in the world.
Come in. - Mr. Director...
My cheque, my cheque! Where is it?
Don't touch it.
I forbid you to touch my cheque.
Back to work! My cheque, my cheque!
Hands off!
Alright, back to work.
Go get it. Go get it!
I've got it. - Thank you!
My cheque!
Sign it, please.
Bernadette, we have an urgent problem.
What is it, my darling? - I have to expand.
Well, here's the bed. - No, I mean expand.
I hired 75 workers today.
Tomorrow, the new machines will start to come in.
Another one. Careful.
And there's room behind the house. - Behind the house?
Your vegetable garden. - My vegetable garden.
200 square metres. - Guillaume...
Last autumn, I planted vegetables there.
And in February, I'll plant onions.
Economic expansion, fine. The Japanese, great.
But the rest, never. - Never?
Never. - We won't talk about it again.
Let me through. One, two, three.
How many did you hire? We need double that.
Wait. What's 7 + 7?
15. - 15? 7 + 7 = 15?
Yes, nowadays it is.
Why are these machines standing in the rain? - Sir!
We need more room. - I know, I know.
We'll be 400 square metres short. - I know.
I'll find something. Follow me. - Re, mi, re, mi...
so, re, do, la, do, mi, la, si...
mi, do, si, la, mi, re, mi.
For the time being... For the time being, you can...
put a little machine here.
Go ahead.
Start over.
What are you doing?
I'm working. - But you're in my house.
Who told you to go here. - Talk to the guy out there.
Lift it. - Guillaume!
You tricked me. - Me? Never.
Yes, you did. - In spite of all my problems and worries...
I never cheated on you in 23 years. - Yes, you did. With your factory.
It's taking over the house. - But I have to produce...
3000 CX22s in 3 months.
But I need to find room on our property. - But the piano...
Put it in the greenhouse.
It'll be so quiet. - Really?
Alright. 1, 2, 3.
B flat!
Where do we put the machine? - Up there.
Up there? - Yes, just do it.
Take it up, guys. - Shh!
That's enough for now.
Let's go, let's go. Hurry up, hurry up.
That's it.
Darling. - Yes?
I'm going to bed. - Won't you have dinner?
I had a sandwich. - Wait for me. Wait.
We have to produce. We have to.
In the night? - Yes, I have three teams.
Around the clock.
I'll get undressed.
I never saw the boss in pyjamas. And madam too.
Are you asleep, darling? - I'm fine. Thank you.
Can't you be a bit less loud? Can't you work with some feeling?
Keep it a bit quiet.
Sleep, darling.
What's that? - In order to sleep.
Yes, but they go in the ears.
What's that? Ah...
Did you sleep well? - Very well. I feel great.
To work! Morning, gentlemen.
How are things going? -We have a big problem, sir. -What's that?
Storage. - Storage of what?
The CX22. We need a place to store them. The machines take up all the room.
That's crazy. - But it's urgent.
I'm going to find room. Come with me.
Close it.
Make a hole in the wall.
Put the hose in the hole.
Now open it.
Oh dear. Poor girl.
Sir, they're waiting for you. Three marriages.
I don't have time for that. - They all vote in the local election.
Indeed. Let's go.
Madam, 2 ladies to see you. - Let them in.
I wouldn't dare.
Come in. - What a hat.
Did you find it in Paris? - No, it's compulsory. Safety.
That way.
What an idea. - Some kind of modern sculpture.
Sensational. - No, it's temporary.
It's for a Japanese order. - Careful, darling.
Straight ahead.
We're safe. - I thought I was about to faint.
Guillaume will never touch my greenhouse or my vegetable garden.
What a great spot. - And a great idea to put the piano there.
Do you still get manure from the doctor? Every morning. With my shot.
You're lucky. 2 years ago it was me. - You got too old. Look at that flower.
It's kind of a rustic perfume.
Smells of petrol.
That smell must come from outside.
My vegetables!
Look. Look.
Look at my tomatoes!
My lettuce...
Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor.
Article 212 man and wife will be loyal and helpful towards each other.
They provide their children with an education and a good future.
Gentlemen, all 3 of you...
do you take these ladies as your lawful wedded wives and...
will you vote for me?
Yes.
- Yes.
Ladies, do you take these gentlemen as husbands and...
will you vote for me?
Yes. - Yes.
Yes.
I declare you men and wives.
Gentlemen, look after your wives.
Never betray their trust. They are sensitive creatures...
delicate, fragile. Hidden within them...
is a little secret garden. - Guillaume!
Bravo! - What's that?
My vegetable garden. - Who did that?
A leak. And I'm sure you know more about it.
How can you think that? - You're lying.
In 23 years, I've never lied to you.
And all this on our wedding anniversary. - Exactly.
Exactly what I was thinking about today.
Tonight we'll be together. The two of us. In quiet.
Champagne, caviar, Mozart. You'll forget about everything.
23 years of marriage.
What did you say?
Do you remember the first time we met?
The first time we met! - Ah, Venice.
The lagoon. -What? - The lagoon.
The silence. -What? - The silence.
Ah the silence. The silence.
You were jealous of the gondolier. - What?
The gondolier. - What's that?
Ah, the gondolier.
Our first fight at St. Mark's Square. - Where?
St. Mark's Square. - Champagne, yes champagne.
Why didn't they do this somewhere else? - For 23 years, they've celebrated...
their anniversary at home. Why change?
Happy?
No. Operate that lever with your right hand.
Use the fork with your left hand.
This can't be true. - What are you doing?
A wish. You must make a wish.
Leave everything and move to the province. Our own cows...
sheep, wool and you.
And you? Tell me.
Another place, where I can expand.
No, no. It's only a wish.
There's something small I have to do.
5 minutes. Excuse me. 5 minutes.
Get lost.
Open the red pipe here and here.
Open the blue pipe here and here.
Then pull this one here and this one there.
The blue ones are cold? - Yes, they're cold.
My wife. -What? - My wife.
Ah yes, she went to sleep somewhere else. The noise.
Where's my wife? - I made up her bed in the greenhouse.
She told me to. - In the greenhouse... Come.
Kick the door in. My darling! - Excuse me?
Bernadette! Bernadette!
Bernadette, my love, my dear.
Lift that.
Wake up, darling, wake up.
Slap her. - I can't, sir.
It's an order.
My darling.
Why is it...
What did you say? - Why is it so cold?
It's his fault. He connected the heating to the refrigerator.
My tropical plants. My tropical plants.
Arthur! Arthur!
I'm going. I'm leaving the house.
Bernadette... - If Arthur's dead...
I'll buy you a huge vegetable garden in the Ardèche.
Try to understand. - I do. You don't love me anymore.
I do love you. I'm telling you.
What are you doing?
You deserve a divorce. - The Daubray-Lacazes don't divorce.
Bernadette, you're not going to leave me here.
And why not? - I need you.
You only care about profit. I was wrong to think you cared about me.
That's a sign. I'm going.
Where to? - Away from this madman's house.
I'm taking Arthur.
Arthur. Now he's been boiled.
You killed him.
I froze him but you boiled him.
Adieu! - Bernadette!
Make yourself at home. - I am at home. Follow that car.
My wife's in it. Drive. - She's leaving you.
Please, just drive.
Hurry. - Don't get so worked up.
I get worked up when I want. Now hurry.
My wife left half a year ago. - That doesn't have anything to do with it.
If I were you, I'd check the Lion d'Or hotel.
My wife in a hotel? - At this hour...
Slow down. Slow down. Stop. That's her car.
Hey, buddy.
There's only one solution. Smack her.
My wife's room.
Where's the master key?
You look like the mayor.
Let me sleep!
Bernadette! Bernadette!
Bernadette! - Mayor!
Long live France!
Curious, are we?
What are you doing? That hurt.
Change partners.
Guess what I ate.
Slag? - No, a peach.
And now the 6th competitor in our imitation competition.
It's Daubray-Lacaze. - Do you think?
I work for him. - No.
Yes. - Allow me?
Aren't you on sick leave? - That doesn't mean I can't dance.
But how do you know? - Look.
Do you all know who this was? - Daubray Lacaze!
I recognise this wrist. Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze. Am I wrong?
It's me. I left my husband. The house's no good.
And neither is my husband. It's hell.
With me, life is paradise. - Listen, you don't have a chance.
Nothing's ever impossible.
Change partners.
Change. Change partners.
If that's my wife...
Allow me, madam.
Guillaume!
Oh, Guillaume. You'll never change.
Wait. Assaulting a magistrate will get you 2 years.
And my wife's even more expensive.
That one's yours. That's an order.
At your orders.
Is there a doctor in the house? - Yes, here.
There's no more doctor in the house.
At your orders, mayor.
Arrest him.
What has he done to you? - Nothing.
Shall we go? - Why?
You don't want to sleep here. - It's more quiet than at home.
I'll make a phone call and give them orders.
I don't trust you anymore.
Get the room the way it was. Stop all work. That's an order.
There.
Are we going? - I was just starting to have fun.
A last drink? - A last dance?
Gentlemen, a last dance.
Do you feel alright? - I'm fine.
Are you happy? - I'm happy.
One worker. - Two workers.
Three workers. Four workers.
At 7 sharp, we start. - Remember, work extra hard.
What's that?
Nothing, nothing. It's nothing.
Now I'm gone forever.
The key to my room, please. - But... Mr. Director...
I don't understand. - I'm sorry, we're fully booked.
Your room was given to somebody else. I thought you'd left.
Bad luck for me. And for you.
Why did you do that? You got a call from my husband.
He said no room for Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze. - Exactly.
He'll get angry. - And it's going to hurt.
The slightest noise at night and he'll have you closed.
Mr. Director, you have to sign the cheques.
No, I couldn't... - It's the end of the month.
Again? It was the end of the month last month.
And next month, it will be the end of the month. And then...
I just couldn't...
Mr. Saussereau.
Thank you, Mr. Director. - Mr. Bernadin.
Mr. Dutreix.
Mr. Director. We caught up with the work.
20% extra for tonight. - So what? Go three times faster.
That's impossible. The workers are tired. -So am I.
And we're polluting the city. That's very bad for the elections.
Get lost.
Mr. Director. A phone call.
Who? - Your wife.
Hello? - Everything alright?
Everything's fine. And you?
If anybody asks, I'm in the Lion d'Or.
The Lion d'Or? But will you be here for breakfast?
No, but you'll see me very soon. Bye bye.
Why didn't you set the table for my wife?
Breaking news: Madame is in the Lion d'Or hotel.
Give her a plate as if she was here.
The first round of the elections will be held in 12 days.
My program consists of 3 points.
First point: enough jobs.
Second point: enough jobs. Third point: enough jobs.
Since I'm the only candidate...
I'll be re-elected.
Am I interrupting?
I'm running against you.
You shouldn't think this is funny, Mr. Mayor.
Why so formal? - That's how it is from now on.
Did you make a list?
Certainly. 27 signatures, as required by law.
27 against me? From my town? Show me.
Here they are.
Classy people. - All French citizens.
Clearly.
Look who's here. - Right, have a good laugh.
Which formalities are required? - I'll ask you some questions.
Form XTK712:
I can't find it. - Sabotage!
Here it is. - Come over here.
Not you.
Name and first name? - Daubray, née Lacaze, Bernadette.
Nationality? - French.
Married? - Alas!
Your age? - 17.
17 years younger than my husband.
No. - Yes.
Political party? - Nature's Defence Party.
Leeks and daisies. Some program.
Quite different from yours.
Profession? - Horticulturist.
And unemployed because of destruction of my work place.
Profession of the husband? - Ex-mayor and polluter.
Sign here.
Bernadette...
End of session.
Picture.
That's enough. To work.
I need 40,000 of them for tomorrow. The biggest type, everywhere.
Let me introduce you to Madame Berger, from French TV.
How are you? - I'll come right to the point.
My station is interested in your double candidacy.
Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze and you. This happens very rarely.
It should be forbidden. - We thought that a live debate...
between you and your wife would be very interesting.
No. - Yes.
1 million viewers. - A debate is fine.
But only with me.
A debate with yourself? - Here and here and then...
And your wife? - Women have nothing to say.
A bit livelier. Smile, please.
It should smell of lavender and apple blossoms.
Beehives in the sun. A storm at sea...
Now the sheep's looking sad.
Did he refuse? - No he accepted. But on his own.
Alone? A debate? - Yes, women have nothing to say.
Nothing to say but something to do.
Machine 20. Talk to the foreman in the back.
Next.
I've come for the job ad. - Yes, it never stops.
Fill this in.
The salary's minimum wage. We can't go lower.
Great. I'll take it.
Good. Machine 12 in the greenhouse.
What's wrong, Léontine? - I'm hallucinating.
It's your cholesterol. - It's your wife.
Don't mention my wife.
Hello, darling.
What's gotten into you?
Tell him to go faster. - Go faster.
Tell him clearly. Yell at him. - You have to go faster!
Do you work for the competition? Unbelievable.
Let me show you.
This is completely crazy...
Understood?
Is that you? - Yes, it's me.
What are you doing here? - I'm working.
Why? - My election campaign is expensive.
Bribing a candidate's no small matter.
I'll throw you out then. - Not possible.
Why? - I'm with the union.
Already?
Go to work you. And quickly!
Don't talk to my employee like that. Brute!
Get lost.
I'll give you an easier machine, darling.
Go to machine 12.
Is it going too fast?
Would you like some tea? - Yes, if they all get some.
All the others? - Yes, doesn't that make sense?
Léontine, tea for everybody. - The whole factory?
Everybody here.
How many sugars? - Did you forget already?
You're not here for the money. - True.
Do you want to sabotage the factory?
Do you think people would vote for me then?
Why then?
She burnt herself. Stop working.
I'm alright.
Why then?
Are you having lunch with your workers?
They're my buddies.
Why are you here? - The debate on TV.
I refused. - Accept it. -Never.
So you wouldn't mind a strike? Factory occupied, all that?
You wouldn't do that, would you?
I'm your wife. I know things.
You wouldn't dare. - Comrades!
I have a few things to tell you about the management of this factory.
You have nothing to say. Alright, I'll be there.
Then I go back to the hotel. See you in front of the camera.
I have faith in you. You'll make her look like a fool.
Don't worry.
You'll make that old conservative bite the dust.
I know what to do. Besides, he's still my husband.
Would you like to take your places?
Attention. Start of live broadcast in 3 minutes.
Your collar. Collar.
There we go. My program consists of 3 points. First: enough jobs.
Second: enough jobs. - Stop, it's not your turn.
Is it my turn? It's about economic growth...
and the quality of life. - My program, my program...
First of all, enough jobs. Secondly, enough jobs.
Thirdly, enough jobs.
Stop that. We're not on air yet.
all about more jobs, but we can't grow at the expense of nature.
We need a new kind of growth. Controlled, humane.
You talk like a woman who's never worked.
You're a tyrant and a despot.
My program consists of three points.
Can nobody shut him up? - Yes, I can.
You destroyed our house. - For the good of our company.
You destroyed my winter garden. Ruined my vegetable garden.
You broke my dreams and stepped on my heart.
Stop that. - I didn't say a thing.
Your books. - Which ones?
The real ones. - They're hidden. -I know.
My program consists of 3 points. Point 1: enough jobs.
Secondly, enough jobs. - All the shoe boxes.
Here. Examine it all.
Don't touch it. Don't touch anything.
The program starts.
Guillaume Daubray Independent
Bernadette Lacaze Nature's Defence Party
One picture, please, mayor.
Mrs. Daubray, née Lacaze, has voted.
Mr. Daubray... has voted.
Bernadette, Bernadette, Bernadette...
Bernadette, I couldn't help myself. I voted for you.
And I voted for you.
Then our votes are useless.
It's looking very good.
If you look at the percentages... the turnout was high.
We're coming first.
Good news.
Silence. We're coming first.
We're ruined.
We're ruined and so are you. The cheque bounced.
It bounced? - It bounced. A bad cheque.
Your Japanese are broke.
My machines. - Scrap, junk. Junk!
This is impossible.
Prefect, the elections... - They're no longer important.
A cookie? A cookie?
Victory!
Let's drink to our future mayor.
Mrs. Lacaze!
Hello, yes? The result.
It's your wife. She won by one vote.
My vote. Are you still here?
No. Shall we close?
Yes, it's over. Wait.
We'll give them one last spectacle.
To the boiler.
I won't be the mayor. I don't like power.
I don't understand.
I didn't do it to be mayor, but for my husband.
Can I take your place? - With pleasure.
Your husband is blowing everything up.
Guillaume! Guillaume!
Bernadette! - Guillaume!
Bernadette, my love. Get me out.
Get me out. I'm boiling. - Do you have time for me now?
I'm starting to boil. - One condition.
Which condition? - We get rid of the factory...
move to the province and have goats.
Never. - Alright. Goodnight.
Darling, come back. I'm boiling, boiling.
Do you accept? - Yes.
Yes, darling.
I was going to suggest it myself.
Guillaume.
Wait, this is an idea that I had.
Look.
Send in a sheep.
Make this go round. The sheep's shorn in there...
and the wool comes out here.
Up there it knits.
And there... the sweater.
Look. Isn't that beautiful?
How beautiful you look.
And it gets even better.
I painted the sheep.
In there. Careful.
The wool falls out here... then up there... and...
a sweater in two colours.
I sell these, make a fortune and buy the mountain.
And then? - I build a factory.
No. - Yes.
No, - Yes.
No. - Yes.
NEIN!
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