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(GRUNTING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
Huh? (CUP SHATTERING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(SHEN LAUGHING)
Shen.
It is time.
The evil Yan Lo has awakened and is on his way.
But I wonder if you're committed enough to take on this task.
Forgive me, Master. I am ready.
Very well. Here.
You will need these.
Where is she?
In the West.
Fair Springs, California.
I will not let you down, Master.
It may not be you who lets us down.
TEACHER: Wendy.
Wendy.
(GIRL SIGHS)
Wendy.
(ALL GASPING) What?
Thank you for returning to Earth, Miss Wu.
(ALL LAUGHING) BOY: Uh-oh.
Can you identify this mountain range
in northern China?
Um, is it...
(BELL RINGING)
Tell you tomorrow, Mr. Medina. Bye.
Wendy, could this class be any more boring?
I know.
I feel like drawing eyes on my eyelids so I can take a nap.
(LAUGHING)
(CRYING) We were so perfect for each other.
Why? Why?
Lisa, get it together.
You're getting tears all over my top.
I'm sorry. (SNIFFLING)
Thank you for letting me borrow it.
You know what's the fastest way to get over a guy?
BOTH: Get a new guy.
(SOBBING) Forget it. My life stinks.
Oh, why can't I have your perfect life, Wen?
You're the most popular girl in school,
everyone's gonna vote for you for Homecoming Queen,
and your boyfriend's perfect.
No, he's not.
I got us salads, Wen.
Okay, he's a little perfect.
I mean, you don't need it, but I'm trying to cut my triceps
for short-sleeved shirts, so...
And, you know, I got some ab videos...
Vote for me.
Hey, guys, want a cookie? That is so lame.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, you're right. My guns already look good.
No, I mean Jessica.
JESSICA: There you go. Have a cookie.
Thanks, guys.
Jessica Dawson is running against you for Homecoming Queen?
(HUFFING) I so should have expected this.
Ever since second grade, everything I do, she has to do.
BOY: Thanks a lot. Well, this one's mine.
Nobody's gonna give her my vote for a stale cookie.
Even your brother?
GIRL: You've got my vote.
WENDY: Peter, put that down.
JESSICA: Voting for me? Good. Have a cookie.
(CHUCKLES)
My brother, on a diet.
Football jock, you know.
JESSICA: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Here you go.
Jessica, you're running for Homecoming Queen?
Oh, my gosh, it's so awesome.
Well, I probably don't stand a chance against you.
I'm the one who should just drop out.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Okay.
This is gonna be so much fun.
Yeah, good luck. Thanks.
What is wrong with you, Peter?
Chill out. It's just a cookie.
Spit that out.
That looks like my brother doesn't support his sister.
How about a little loyalty here?
Fine. I hate raisins anyway.
JESSICA: Hey, Austin.
Hey, little sis.
You might wanna check on your loyalty over there.
Want one of my cookies? Uh, sure.
(GASPS) Austin, spit that out!
(PETER LAUGHING)
WENDY: Mom, this is important.
Don't you remember?
I do my report on Florida then she has to do hers on Texas,
just because it's bigger.
And in fourth grade, when I broke my arm
and everyone signed my cast,
Jessica had everyone sign her leg, and it wasn't even broken.
Wendy, what do you want me to do?
I'm at work here and I have an exhibit opening in two weeks.
But, Mom, this is supposed to be my homecoming,
and she's gonna take it away from me
if I don't come up with a way to get more votes.
(GASPING)
Look, honey, I understand how important this is to you,
but the museum director is counting on me
to put together this exhibit of ancient Chinese artifacts,
and I'm getting stressed out
because I don't know the history behind any of them.
(SIGHING)
You know, I used to think my mother's stories
about the Buddhist legends were so silly.
Should have listened to her more.
Mom, what am I gonna do about Jessica?
You know what you're gonna do?
You're gonna forget about homecoming for a minute
and remember that there are some things more important in life.
Like what?
Like maybe your responsibilities at home.
When is the last time you did some laundry, or cleaned your room,
or fed your dog?
Good thing your brother's such a messy eater
or poor Cupcake would have starved.
Cupcake. Yeah.
"Vote for Wendy" cupcakes.
Way better than Jessica's cookies.
Thanks, Mom.
(GRUNTS)
Sorry. Bye.
(AIRPLANE BUZZING)
(SPLAT)
(BLENDER WHIRRING)
Daddy, you have the mixer on too high.
Well, honey, I'm an ad agency executive, not a baker.
How about I come up with a nice, catchy slogan for you instead?
Like what?
Like, um...
How about,
"Wendy who? Wendy Wu for Homecoming Queen!" Huh?
They really pay you for that?
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
(SIGHING) Grandma, I'm not gonna put Chinese on my cupcakes.
No, no, no.
I was telling the widow the doctor was really her son.
(PEOPLE TALKING IN CHINESE ON TV)
Why don't you watch American soap operas
so that we could all understand?
I do. The Spanish ones.
Hi, I'm home. Sorry I'm late.
Oh, my... What happened here?
Homecoming Queen did it. I'm not cleaning up.
NINA: Ma, I really need your help with this Chinese stuff
the director dumped on me.
(TV TURNS OFF)
I've done a lot of the research,
but I feel like I'm missing some of the folklore and legends.
I told you the stories.
I know you did, Ma, but I was too little to appreciate them.
Anyway, it's not like I missed having that Chinese culture in my life.
Just because you don't miss it
doesn't mean it isn't missing.
MAN: Delivery.
(KEYS JINGLING)
Thanks.
It must be for this Chinese thing they're doing here.
See you. Bye.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(DOG BARKING)
I can't believe I finally finished.
You're welcome.
Thanks, Daddy.
When I win, I'll mention you in my acceptance speech.
Okay. Good night.
Make sure you clean up.
Wait. You're not gonna help me...
(SIGHS)
Good night.
WENDY: Grandma? Forget it.
Your mess. You clean.
(SIGHING IN ANNOYANCE)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(SIGHING)
Uh, may I help you?
Hello? Oh, sorry.
It's just that you look so
different.
You know me? Yes, you're Miaozhen,
woman warrior born in the Wei Dynasty,
sworn to defeat evil.
It is your time again.
Right. It is time. Goodbye.
(WHOOSHING)
(GASPS) Don't be frightened.
I'm a Buddhist monk from Gingi Mountain Temple.
Wait. How did you... You were just...
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GASPS)
(WENDY GRUNTING) (GROANS)
(PANTING)
Ugh.
(PULSING)
(BOX RUMBLING)
Who's in there?
Museum security.
I've got pepper spray.
(RUMBLING)
(GASPS)
(ROARING)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
(SNARLING)
PETER: Hey, Al, your pizza's getting cold.
Hey, Al, what's up?
(GROWLING)
Right. That's $11.43.
(GRUNTING)
Hey, that's my mom's.
(GRUNTING)
What?
(GRUNTING INSISTENTLY)
That's Wendy, my sister. You know her.
Dude, are you all right?
(EXHALING)
Oh, your breath reeks.
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
(SPUTTERING)
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
Yeah, he had a ponytail and a cheap bathrobe.
I know. Jessica probably sent him to scare me.
Can you believe her?
I swear, when we hand out my killer cupcakes,
Jessica's totally gonna back off.
73 in Sacramento. 79 in Stockton.
No way. (GASPS) I have a cousin in Stockton.
Quick! Turn on Channel 5. Hey, Amy.
And right here in Fair Springs
it's gonna be 72 and partly cloudy,
but always sunny and nice with all my friends at Fair Springs High.
She's the guest weather person?
JESSICA: And remember,
pick up one of my "Jessica for Homecoming Queen" cupcakes tomorrow.
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERING)
(STIRRING)
(WHIMPERING)
No! No!
(CUPCAKE GROWLING)
Whoa!
PETER: I'm home?
Cool.
Ow.
Ow! Ow!
Wow, these are really made out of clay?
Yeah, they're terra cotta warriors.
There were 6,000 of them
buried in the tomb of the first Emperor of China in 210 B.C.
And the Chinese Government sent us eight of them.
Isn't that great?
Sure.
You see, the first Emperor, Qin Shi Huangdi, was buried with them
because the people believed they would guard him in the afterlife,
but they didn't.
There's a legend that says
every 90 years, they come under the spell of Yan Lo, an evil spirit.
(FEIGNING EVIL LAUGHTER)
I've never seen you this excited about Chinese history before.
I know. It's weird.
We didn't care about this when we were kids, did we?
No, Everybody Wang Chung Tonight
was about as cultural as we got.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, I gotta go. Gonna be late.
(IMITATING KUNG FU YELL)
Ha-ya!
Stop it. The neighbors are gonna see you.
See you later, Dad. Bye-bye.
Where's Peter? He's still sleeping.
(SCOFFS) He put this ugly necklace on me last night.
Very funny, Peter.
Oh, I should get going, too. I'm gonna be late.
Mom, what's this? Hmm?
Mmm, it's Gingi Mountain Temple.
It dates back over 1,500 years.
No, no, no, these bald guys.
NINA: They're monks.
WENDY: Well, don't they have ponytails?
Uh-uh. Buddhist monks shave their heads.
Why are you asking?
No reason. Gotta go.
Hey, hey, aren't you taking your cupcakes?
No, you take them. Bye.
But there's 500 of them.
Wendy!
(DOOR CLOSING)
(GRANDMA SPEAKING MANDARIN)
Are you looking for this?
It is only a necklace.
Really?
Is my granddaughter a warrior?
Yes.
Please protect her.
With my life.
It is my destiny
Thank you.
(DOOR CLOSING)
TORY: Hey, Wen, do you want a ride?
Sure.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
Wait!
You must wear this.
Let's go.
It will protect you.
For your sake, Wendy, you must wear this!
Who's that? How should I know? Just go.
I think he knows you.
(SIGHS)
So, just because he IMs me he thinks I'll come running back.
What a jerk.
Look, you just stay strong and proud,
and if he IMs you again, we'll start a rumor
that you're already going out with a senior, right?
Right?
Oh, you didn't.
You're back with him?
Just a little.
(LAUGHING) Do you believe her, Wen?
Wen?
What?
Are you all right? LISA: Yeah.
You're not still thinking about that guy in the bathrobe, are you?
(LAUGHS) No, of course not. Why?
'Cause here he comes.
Go! The light's green! Go!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
SHEN: Wendy!
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
Wendy! Stop! Please!
Stop!
You're in danger! Stop!
Please!
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
Ow!
(GASPING)
(PANTING)
SHEN: Wendy!
Well, that was really weird.
Bizarre.
I say we act like that never happened.
Cool. Absolutely.
(ALL PANTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
COACH: Come on, girls. Pick it up. Pick it up.
Hey, Wendy. Did you see me on TV last night?
No. You were on TV?
Yeah. I did the weather on Channel 5.
Oh, sorry, I missed it.
I was out with Austin. Hey, Austin!
COACH: Pass it on the inside.
(JESSICA GRUNTS) COACH: On the wing.
Keep your head in the game, Wendy.
(GRUNTS)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
COACH: Nice play, Jessica.
Saw you on TV last night. You're gonna make a great Homecoming Queen.
JESSICA: Thanks, Coach Gibbs.
COACH: Jessica, why don't you goalie for a while? Tina! You're in.
GIRL 1: There you go. There you go. Watch it.
(WHISTLE BLOWING) GIRL 2: Over here.
GIRL 1: There you go. There you go. Watch it.
GIRL 1: Pass me the ball.
COACH: Come on, girls.
COACH: That's it. Pick it up. Energy!
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS AND YELLS)
GIRL 3: Yes! Way to go!
Nice hustle. GIRL 4: Jessica.
COACH: Okay, let's give her some air, ladies.
GIRL 5: Are you okay?
How did you do that?
WENDY: I don't know.
She had it coming.
TORY: She's trying to steal your popularity.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
GIRL 1: Nice work. Okay.
I think I'm giving it to her.
(PANTING)
(CHUCKLING)
How'd you get in here, fella?
(GROWLING)
COACH: That's it, girls. Keep it up. Push it.
Oh, not you. Look, why are you following me?
What do you want?
Please, you are in much danger.
Did you put that on me last night?
How'd you get in my house?
I think you're starting to creep me out. I'm turning you in.
Believe me. I'm a Buddhist monk
who has come a great distance to find you.
And that's another thing. You are not a monk.
Buddhist monks shave their heads, so there.
I was allowed to grow my hair
so that I might fit in when I found you.
I don't know what fashion magazines you've been reading,
but a stringy ponytail and a weird robe is not fitting in.
But it is my destiny to help you.
Evil is near.
Look, the only evil I know is my history teacher and Jessica Dawson.
And I don't think you can help me with them.
You find you have skills you cannot explain.
What do you mean?
That kick on the field.
Crude but very powerful.
It's a bicycle kick.
Your ancestors would call it dragon whips tail.
Okay, look,
I'll admit there's been some weird stuff going on with me lately,
so I'm gonna give you, like, a minute to tell me what's up.
I have been reincarnated many times over the centuries
to assist the descendant of the Yin warrior
to battle evil in the name of good.
You know, Yoda,
this is already getting a little too Star Wars-y for me.
The evil is imprisoned in the Ganzi jade globe.
It's called Yan Lo, a powerful spirit.
(SARCASTICALLY) Ooh, scary.
Every 90 years the globe weakens,
allowing him to break free and possess the bodies of mortals
to challenge the next descendant of the Yin warrior.
That kind of looks like me.
I really don't like where this is going.
You must follow in the steps of your ancestors.
It is your turn to defeat Yan Lo.
Me? Well, what if I don't?
Famine, earthquakes,
oceans rising, locusts, fires, drought, darkness...
Okay, okay, I get it. It's bad.
Oh, there you are, Wen.
Hey, we're going to the mall. You wanna come with?
Your kung fu training must begin now.
Wait up, guys! I've got a new skirt with no matching lipstick.
I don't get it. How could you not know that he was coming to visit?
Tory, I told you. He's from China.
It's not their custom to call first.
Well, why is he dressed like that?
He's not gonna hang around you all the time, is he?
No, look, can we not talk about this anymore?
(PHONE BEEPING)
What does he want?
Ugh, hang on. I've got another call.
Hello? Hey, I still don't get it.
(SIGHS) How could you not know you had a cousin in China?
(GRUNTS IN ANNOYANCE) Hang on. Let me three-way.
(BEEPING)
Look, you guys, my cousin's practically leaving already.
So it'll probably be better for the homecoming vote if we just kept him a secret.
You know, if Jessica found out,
she'd think of some way to use it against me.
Totally. Sure.
(PHONE BEEPS)
Oh, hang on.
Hello?
Hey, Wen.
Listen, I hear you have an interesting new friend.
Well, I hope he gets you the monk vote.
That's a great idea, Tory!
What's a great idea?
We'll write "Vote for Wendy" on a bunch of chopsticks
and get your cousin to hand them out at lunch tomorrow.
Isn't it awesome?
No!
No, forget it. I'll talk to you guys later.
(SIGHS)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
You must wear this now.
It will protect you during your training.
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
Look, I don't wanna be rude
but you hanging around me is making my life a little complicated.
Please, go back to your temple of doom or whatever.
Look, I never agreed to train.
You'll just have to find some other girl to be your warrior.
I know. Look, why don't you ask Sarah Goldberg in my homeroom?
She's got no life. I'm sure she'll kung fu with you all you want.
The evil spirit could be anyone around you.
Please.
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(SIGHS) Go away. I'm not your warrior.
Om...
SHEN: Om...
(WHISPERING) You will be a great warrior.
Om...
Ouch.
(BELL RINGING)
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
LISA: Did you do the world history homework?
WENDY: I know. That stuff's so hard.
I finished it. It was all right.
(SHEN YELLING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GROANS)
Frank, you all right?
Uh, what's he doing?
It's sacred monk stuff.
LISA: That's cool.
Interesting.
We'll catch you at lunch, okay, Wen?
Okay.
(BELL RINGING)
(LAUGHS)
Remember what we always say about these punks. Never show them fear.
(EXHALING)
Ugh, never let 'em smell it, either.
We've got a big problem now.
You're embarrassing me and messing with my rep.
I would not have to do this if you will only wear the medallion.
Evil is here.
Look, the only thing evil around here is Mr. Nunan over there.
You have no idea.
Hey, babe.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, Austin.
I don't think so.
You know the rules on public displays of affection.
She started it, Mr. Tobias.
Austin!
I got my eye on you, Wendy Wu.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
You are so bad.
Well, you didn't call me last night.
I wanted to tell you I finally got a letter back
from that modeling agency in San Francisco,
and they said my pictures were '80s retro.
That's good, right?
Uh, yeah, congratulations. (SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Oh, thanks.
Um, so, I hear... I hear your, uh, cousin's in town.
Oh, my gosh, it's been so embarrassing.
Why?
That's why.
He's not the evil one. You're safe to speak with him.
Thanks.
Listen, why don't you check to see if the bathroom is safe for me?
Good idea. Your instincts are becoming sharp.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
What's up with that?
Oh, he's from, like, real deep, deep inside China,
and it's a very careful culture.
Huh.
So, we're still going to Maria Santiago's party, right?
Oh, yeah.
The next Homecoming Queen shouldn't be partying without the Homecoming King.
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
Wendy, toilet now safe.
Uh, I guess I'll see you at lunch.
Yeah.
Many angry girls waiting for you to go.
Wendy, I'm so glad I ran into you. Actually, you ran into me.
Anyway, I hope you know I was only kidding the other night,
on the phone, about your cousin.
Oh, don't worry about it.
That's how you and I are. We kid. We're like that.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, since I won't see you at soccer practice,
I am so sorry about the disqualification.
From what? Soccer? Yeah.
And probably a bunch of other extracurricular activities
like, oh, I don't know, homecoming eligibility.
Not much left. I took this for you. Not now.
What do you mean?
Oh, it's written in the school bylaw.
"Any student participating in any extracurricular activity
"must maintain a minimum C average in all subjects."
World history. Yeah.
I don't know how the counselor found out.
Sorry.
(WENDY SCOFFS)
(SHEN MEDITATING)
What am I thinking?
I can't get an A in world history.
I don't know anything about China.
Midterms are in a week. There's no way.
I will help you.
What?
Your school lessons.
I know everything about the history of China.
It's required in the temple.
Well, that's nice but we're in school.
Temple and school are just places.
Chinese history is in here.
(BELL RINGING)
I can teach you how to look within.
You are kind of smart.
Okay, you can tutor me.
You must agree to wear the medallion
and begin your kung fu training.
You know, you're like a dog with a bone with this kung fu thing.
(GROWLING)
Deal. You tutor, I'll train.
WENDY: Could you monks have made this any uglier?
Aren't you gonna stretch?
If we're gonna do kung fu, you don't wanna pull a muscle or something.
I am stretching, and you don't "do" kung fu.
Kung fu is a way of life.
Oh, sorry.
Did you get that out of a movie?
It sounded better when Jackie Chan said it.
(LAUGHING)
So, how long is this gonna take?
Because we really should get started on my tutoring.
Not that I'm dumb or anything, but that could take longer.
We will have time for both.
♪ So who's gonna save the world for me?
♪ Who's gonna change?
♪ Who's gonna find a better way
♪ And make it their way?
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Wait. Hold on.
♪ We need a hero
Hey, Tory. What's up? You wanna go shopping later?
♪ To save us from ourselves
Oh, yeah. Me, too.
♪ Lookin' for a hero
♪ Like nobody else
♪ We need a hero
(CRUNCHING)
♪ But if we can't find one
♪ I will do it myself
♪ I will
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
♪ We need a hero
Hey, Lisa.
♪ To save us from ourselves
♪ Lookin' for a hero
Sorry.
♪ Like nobody else
♪ We need a hero
Oh, nice!
Watch your fingers.
♪ But if we can't find one
Sorry.
♪ I will do it myself
One more time?
♪ I will, I will
(SCREAMS)
What?
What? What?
♪ I will, I will, I will ♪
As much as I enjoyed kicking you,
I think we should get started on my tutoring. I'll get my books.
You won't need your books.
As a Yin warrior,
you are connected to all of your ancestors as one life.
Well, what does this have to do with my D in world history?
Your midterm is on China
and that history is within you.
Wait. Are you saying I don't have to study?
No, we all have to study.
You just have to learn how to remember 1,500 years of lessons.
Wait. Okay.
I'll go with this for a minute.
How exactly do I remember this stuff?
You must focus your mind through meditation.
That weird trance thing you do, going "yum"?
Not "yum."
Om.
No.
Too bad. You would have been a great Yin warrior
and beautiful Homecoming Queen.
(SIGHING)
Om?
Om...
(TV PLAYING) Om...
I did it! I did it! I remembered everything!
I got an A! Thank you so much!
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
Sorry, Todd.
(BELL RINGING)
This is good.
Now that you've focused your mind,
your training will come much easier.
Okay, I'm a little behind, but I think I can catch up.
Good. We start now.
Right.
Posters and flyers.
"Wendy for Homecoming Queen" flyers.
No, your training, you're not done.
Shen, I promised, but I didn't say when.
We'll finish this summer.
(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION)
All right, fine. Right after homecoming. (CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Tory. Guess what?
But evil is very near.
We must be ready.
(SIGHS)
GRANDMA: Wendy.
Time for dinner.
In a minute, Grandma.
Funny, Grandma.
Grandma, do you ever miss China?
Sometimes.
When I see something or hear something or even smell something
that reminds me of the village where I grew up.
Lian He.
That's pretty.
What's it mean?
Lotus place.
What do you miss most?
Sitting on my grandfather's lap
on rainy days when he couldn't go to work in the fields.
I can still smell his pipe
and hear his voices telling me 1,000-year-old stories
about great heroes and their battles.
My favorite was about a girl who was trained by a young monk
to fight evil.
Her name was Miaozhen.
And they say, every 90 years
her descendants must accept responsibility
and become a Yin warrior.
Yeah, but, Grandma, you don't really believe that stuff.
Do you?
Of course I believe it.
You told her?
I didn't have to. She already knew.
My mother was a Yin warrior,
and you will be one, too.
It's a great honor.
Grandma!
NINA: Hi, everybody. I'm home.
What smells so...
Oh, hi.
Who's this?
Ma, why didn't you tell us that your grandnephew
on your second cousin's father's side was visiting?
I thought I told you, or I meant to,
or I'm just old.
Dad, can I grow a ponytail?
No, that's silly.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's just that...
Look, Shen, even though it's a little bit unannounced,
we want you to feel welcome.
Please stay as long as you want.
How long do you think that'll be?
Ow!
Leg cramp.
I think he has to leave soon.
I mean, you can't stay long, right, Shen?
Oh, yes, I will be leaving as soon as I complete my mission.
Your mission? What's your mission?
Visiting.
He's on a mission to visit us.
It's a Chinese thing.
You wouldn't understand.
Enough talk. It's very rude to our guest.
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
Eat.
Do you not find the history of the terra cotta warriors to be fascinating?
How do you know about that?
Oh, great. He reads minds, too.
I cannot read minds.
I saw a poster about your exhibit of the Qin Dynasty artifacts.
Oh, right, the posters.
Yeah, it's really fascinating,
but I'm having a hard time getting the research straight.
Perhaps I could help you.
One of my teachers at Gingi Temple
is a direct descendant of Qin Shi Huangdi,
the first Emperor of the Qin Dynasty.
PETER: Hey.
Uh, does it get cold under your robe, dude?
(LAUGHING)
Somebody stop him, please.
Uh, Shen, I would be so grateful
if you could help me understand the history of some of the artifacts.
The exhibit is next week, and I have to get everything organized.
It will be my honor.
Hey, Shen, do you know any kung fu?
Of course. I have studied it for a very long time.
Cool.
Do you think you could show me a couple moves?
My football coach, he's always on me about shaking the linebackers.
They're always tagging me from the side.
Oh, football. American sport.
I find in defending against attacks from the side,
wang ting chen moves.
What did he say, Grandma?
Shen will explain. I get the dessert.
May I demonstrate?
Please.
I believe that wang ting chen in English is "monkey jumps over wall."
(LAUGHS) "Monkey jumps over wall"?
That... (LAUGHS) That sounded cooler in Chinese, man.
I agree.
(GRUNTS)
Whoa!
(LAUGHING)
Wow, that was great.
Dude, you gotta teach me that.
Of course.
Oh, my. Are these mooncakes?
WENDY: What are mooncakes?
A very special pastry that is made to celebrate
the Chinese Autumn Moon Festival.
Cool, when is that?
Soon.
Ma, you haven't made these since I was a kid.
I didn't make them.
Please, I hope you enjoy them.
Mmm. Dude, these are good.
Kenny, aren't you gonna have one?
No.
Excuse me.
Can I have his?
Ow!
But Shen is really sweet.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Tory, nobody cares.
Just because they see me with him
doesn't mean they're not gonna vote for me.
I know he's a monk.
Who cares how he dresses?
Look, I've gotta go. Bye.
(SIGHS)
Mmm! These are good.
But how do you get the orange off your fingers?
Suck 'em.
SHEN: Mmm. (BOTH LAUGHING)
They're good, huh?
Oh, hey, I was practicing that move.
Watch.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Are you all right?
(GROANING)
Oh, yeah.
I meant to do that.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Peter, can you give me and Shen a ride to the mall?
Mom said you can go shopping?
Yeah.
The same way Dad said it was okay for you
to ditch school and go surfing last week.
I'll get the car.
How did you do that?
It's an ancient American move
called, "Monkey jumps for smarter sister."
(LAUGHING) Come on.
Okay, we've got an hour till closing.
We've got work to do.
Are we training here?
Sort of. Come on.
♪ I've got a song but I ain't got no melody
♪ Come on
♪ How am I gonna sing it with my friends?
♪ I've got a song but I ain't got no melody
♪ How am I gonna sing it with my friends?
♪ Will it go round in circles?
♪ All right
♪ Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky?
♪ Will it go round in circles?
♪ Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky?
♪ Listen
♪ I've got a little dance but I ain't got no steps
♪ I'm gonna let the music move me round
♪ I've got a little dance but I ain't got no st-st-steps
♪ Gonna let the music move me round
♪ Will it go round in circles?
♪ Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky? ♪
(GASPS) Come on. Come on!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I thought you were too full.
This mooncake is so good.
I think I owe Shen an apology.
I didn't mean to be rude to him.
But it's just, when I saw these mooncakes,
it was like I was a boy again. Mmm-hmm.
And then I felt guilty that I grew up turning my back on all of this.
I don't wanna do that anymore.
You didn't do it alone.
I want us to be a Chinese-American family.
Can I have a bite? No.
Kenny! (CHUCKLING)
Mmm.
It's so strange.
In one night, this long-lost relative comes into our lives,
and in one evening,
he gives your mother a little piece of the old country...
Mmm-hmm. ...gives Peter a football move,
finds some missing pieces in your work,
and opens my eyes to something we've been missing.
It's wonderful, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's just a little sad
because I don't think Wendy will get anything out of this.
Mmm-hmm.
(BELL RINGING)
(ALL CHATTERING)
Um, well, I'll see you guys later. I'm kind of busy, okay?
All right.
Hey, babe. Oh, hi.
What do you think?
Uh, your shirt. It looks nice.
No.
My hair.
It looks the same.
I got highlights. See?
I figure when we win homecoming, the stage lights will really bring 'em out.
Yeah, great.
Who are you looking for?
Oh, nobody. I just thought maybe Shen would be around.
Who?
My cousin.
Oh, yeah.
You know, we gotta stay away from him.
He's gonna wreck it for us. People are starting to talk.
Well, people should mind their own business.
Maybe he's a nice guy.
(LAUGHING) Nice guy.
Well, Warren's a nice guy, too,
but, uh, if we let him hang out with us,
we might as well wait to buy our clothes on sale,
(LAUGHING) you know?
Austin, that sounds a little snobby.
Thank you.
SHEN: Vote for Wendy.
I don't think we're gonna have an image problem with Shen anymore.
Vote for Wendy for Homecoming Queen.
(LISA GASPS) GIRL: Yeah, sure, I'll vote for Wendy.
(LAUGHING) SHEN: Vote for Wendy.
Wendy, is that your cousin?
What did you do?
Vote for Wendy.
(SCOFFS) SHEN: Vote for Wendy for Homecoming Queen.
He went from monk to hunk. (GIGGLES)
Does he know Tony and I are fighting a lot?
Sorry, guys, Shen's busy.
SHEN: Here, take one.
Let's go. You look great.
(LAUGHS DRYLY)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(LAUGHING) Everybody was talking about you at school today.
You're kind of a celebrity.
Yes, it was fun.
I've never worn anything except that stupid robe.
Is that why you were so willing to change?
Buddhists say the tiger is the mightiest,
but it is the chameleon who will endure.
(LAUGHING) You are such a liar.
You did it for me, didn't you?
Thank you.
No, thank you.
Mmm.
This is good.
What is name of this taste?
Chocolate. What else?
Chocolate.
Wait. You've never had chocolate before?
Well, don't they have it in China?
I'm not sure.
I've never come across it in my reincarnations.
So, you remember every one of your past lives?
Some better than others.
Not all Yin warriors are memorable.
Will I be?
No.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I do remember your great-grandmother very well.
She almost failed.
Why?
Was she weak?
No.
Yan Lo was stronger
and has been getting stronger every time.
That's why you must train harder than any of your ancestors.
If I do, will I win?
I hope so,
but you may have to find the strength within you that I can't teach you,
or this may be the end for me and you and everything good.
Whoa! Not too much pressure.
Let's talk about something else.
Tell me about your girlfriends.
You've never had a girlfriend?
What's it like being in love?
I don't know.
I'll tell you when it happens.
You and Austin are not in love?
(CHUCKLES) Look, Austin's a nice guy,
but he's only in love with himself.
Then why are you with him?
I guess it's because everyone says we look good together.
And it'll probably help me win Homecoming Queen.
An illusion of the heart.
Another Buddhist saying?
No, a Shen saying.
(LAUGHING)
Tell you what, since you like my chocolate cupcakes so much,
I'll make you a bunch for your trip home
when this big battle thing is over.
I will not be going home.
My destiny is to perish during the battle.
What? No! Why?
It is how it has to be.
I must sacrifice myself to save you.
It has been this way for over 1,000 years.
Well, that's a little harsh.
It's all right.
I got to be a real teenager for a little while.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Well, maybe we should make it last a little longer.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(LAUGHING) So, what do you think?
Oh, this is nothing.
You should see the parties back at the temple.
Really? No.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Hey, Wen, guess what?
I'm gonna vote for you.
Thanks.
Hi, Shen.
Hi. You know my name?
You wanna dance?
Oh, we're kind of together.
I thought he was your cousin.
Oh, yeah.
Go ahead. Have fun.
♪ Can't wait for the weekend
Come on. Come on.
♪ Plus, it's a long weekend
♪ Get to stay out late tonight
♪ Hangin' or shoppin' I never get enough
Don't worry about the moves. Come on, be yourself.
Be myself?
Yeah, you know, do your own thing.
That's it. What's up, Alvin?
♪ I just wanna have some fun
♪ I'm talking about hangin' out at the mall
Hi. Where have you been?
I thought we were gonna show up early and do some campaigning.
And didn't I tell you to wear the peach-colored shirt?
It goes great with this shirt.
Sorry, I've... I've just been busy lately.
Busy?
I thought we wanted to win this thing.
I do.
I just need to spend some time with Shen right now.
♪ Lean back and swirl it, baby
Well, I'm your boyfriend, not him.
Boyfriend?
♪ We just wanna have some fun
Austin, hasn't this just been
an illusion of the heart?
What does that mean?
You know, I don't... I don't know you anymore.
Austin, you never did.
♪ We just wanna have some fun
Look, you and I really don't need each other to win homecoming.
♪ We just wanna have some fun
♪ I'm talking about hangin' out
Are you breaking up with me?
♪ Some fun, some fun
♪ Some, some, some fun ♪
I guess I am.
(ALL CHEERING)
(FAST DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
I know that move. I can do it.
Sure you can.
I can.
Yeah! Yeah!
Whoo!
WENDY: All right, Shen!
(LAUGHING)
ALL: Ooh!
Hey, Tory.
Look, I know you think I'm crying.
I'm not, okay?
I've just got a lot going on right now.
Yao Ming? Don't know him.
Which temple is he from?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Before Shen came, all that mattered was becoming Homecoming Queen,
but it's all different now.
(CHUCKLES) I know. I know. I sound like a spoiled brat.
But you're one of my best friends,
and we can talk about anything, right?
What kind of a chip is this?
Wendy!
Where's Wendy? Oh, she's by the pool.
Wendy!
(SHEN GRUNTS) (TORY SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
Dude, this is the biggest hot tub I've ever seen.
(YELLING)
(ALL CHEERING)
This might be a good time to finish my training.
You think so?
(BOY WHOOPING)
Tory, what are you doing? You're wearing my shoes.
Austin, pull her out!
This will be great in the yearbook.
TORY: Austin, will you get me out of the pool?
(YELLS)
Oh, cool. Are those souvenirs?
You begin the final step to your training
and these are your teachers.
The tiger for aggression,
the snake for flexibility,
the leopard for speed,
the crane for balance,
and the dragon for invincibility.
Wait. Where's the dragon?
Okay.
But you do know these guys are just little statues, right?
We'll start with the snake.
(CHANTING)
(GASPS)
Wendy, meet the first master who will prepare you.
Uh, hi.
What's he doing?
Showing you respect.
Why? He doesn't know me.
He has known you for over 1,000 years.
Hold on. This isn't gonna work.
Yes, it will.
You are stronger than you think.
(SCOFFS) No, not that.
Look, I can't be seen fighting some old guy in a park.
It looks bizarre.
I have to live in this town.
Oh, really?
Besides, it won't feel right fighting him.
He didn't do anything to me.
(PANTING)
What's up with this?
(CHANTING)
(AIR WHOOSHING)
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
Coach Gibbs? Shen, what's going on?
Yan Lo is not the only one who can possess mortals.
You didn't want to be trained by my teachers.
How about your teachers?
Okay.
This could be fun.
(YELPS AND GIGGLING)
No way.
(SCREAMS) Whoa!
Don't let your body be a cage.
Be as fluid as a snake.
I'm trying, Coach. I mean, monk.
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
We must try less conventional methods with this one.
You want me to climb that? (SCOFFS) Forget it.
Okay.
We just thought you might want your phone back.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS)
Fine.
Be as flexible as a snake.
(GRUNTING)
What's this?
(SHEN CHANTING)
(AIR WHOOSHING)
(GRUNTING)
(YELPING)
They're coming at me too fast.
Speed is relative.
Slow them down with your mind.
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
Hey, who's littering my hallway?
(CHANTING)
(AIR WHOOSHING)
You call that balance?
(GRUNTS)
(WIND BLOWING)
(GRUNTING)
(BELL RINGING)
Don't forget to read Chapter 8.
(SIGHS)
(SHEN CHANTING)
(AIR WHOOSHING)
Are these tiki torches? Cool.
Let me call my friends. We'll have a luau.
Ow!
Time for your final lesson, the aggression of a tiger!
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(ALL YELLING)
Put everything you've learned into one.
Don't think about it.
Feel it.
(SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(ALL YELLING)
(WENDY YELLING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(ALL YELLING)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(ALL YELL)
(ALL GROAN)
(ALL PANTING)
I felt it.
Now you have become a Yin warrior.
I think you guys need this.
Come on, Shen. Let's celebrate with your first cappuccino.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I don't know what that is, but I hope it's chocolate.
I just hope, when the monks leave their bodies
my teachers won't remember anything and hold it against me.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Don't worry, they won't.
I don't think.
Well, they might.
(LAUGHING) You.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
(SQUEALING)
Lisa? What's wrong?
You won!
What? You're Homecoming Queen!
(SCREAMING)
No way. Swear on the life of your cat. Tell her, Tory.
It's true. You won.
(BOTH SCREAMING) I won?
(SCREAMING)
Okay, okay, I'll talk to you guys later.
Is everything okay?
(STAMMERING) Lisa's on the homecoming committee,
and they just finished counting the votes.
You are now walking with the new Homecoming Queen.
You are so lucky.
Yes, I am.
Congratulations.
Well, you know, it's all because of you.
If you hadn't helped me with my history class...
Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't you be my date?
Be your what?
Date. It means you take me to the homecoming dance.
Sorry, but I can't go.
Why not?
Oh, come on.
It's already bad enough I have to ask a guy for a date.
You're not gonna make me beg, are you?
You know what? (CHUCKLING)
I'm definitely gonna miss chocolate cupcakes and this, too.
What do you mean, miss? Where are you...
Oh, yeah.
So, when is this big battle thing
on your Chinese calendar again?
The autumn moon.
I know. I know. You said that.
Next week? Next month?
Like, a few days.
A few days?
How many days?
A couple.
Shen!
Tomorrow?
It's tomorrow?
Please tell me it's not during homecoming.
I'm gonna go get another one of these.
Get back here.
You knew the whole time that it was gonna happen during homecoming, didn't you?
Why didn't you tell me?
I was afraid you wouldn't train.
So you lied to me instead.
Monks don't lie.
No.
They just don't tell the truth.
Well, is there anything else you're hiding from me?
(ROARING)
(GROWLING)
YAN LO: (IN MONSTROUS VOICE) Your Lord of Darkness commands you to awaken!
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(STONE CRACKING)
(QUARTERSTAVES THUMPING)
(STOMACH GROWLING)
Must be indigestion.
(BELCHING)
Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(EXHALES)
SOLDIERS: (CHANTING) Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!
Yan Lo! Yan Lo!
I found this for your battle.
It was my mother's.
Why are you wearing that?
I'm going to homecoming.
I won.
I see.
(WENDY SIGHS)
Grandma, I'm sorry if you're mad at me,
but being a Homecoming Queen is all I ever wanted.
Nobody asked me if I wanted to be a Yin warrior.
You know what?
I don't.
I'm not angry with you.
You're my granddaughter no matter what you do.
And I've never questioned your choices.
(SIGHS)
I hate it when she does that to me.
(SNIFFLING) Well, it's not gonna work.
Battle evil on the most important day of my life?
Get real.
So what if evil takes over?
The world's already evil.
It's my crown, and I'm gonna wear it tonight.
Evil can wait.
YAN LO: Alone?
Your Yin warrior has betrayed you.
I may be alone, but I have the will of many.
Hope it's enough to beat these guys.
(BOTH YELLING)
(SHEN GROANING)
(ALL ROARING)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(SOLDIERS GRUNTING)
(CAMERA CLICKS) Oh, come on, Daddy, I'm gonna be late.
KENNY: Just a couple more. (SIGHS)
It's not every day you're in the presence of a queen.
Oh, you've taken enough pictures.
Mom, tell him.
Oh, she's right.
Here. Here. Take some with the video camera.
KENNY: Oh, yeah.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Oh, that's Tory. Gotta go.
Oh, and remember, they're gonna crown me at halftime so don't be late.
NINA: Bye. Bye.
Uh-oh.
Are we still monks or teachers here?
Monks.
(GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
Your hour of destiny has arrived.
(SIGHING) Look, guys, I really appreciate
all the cool kung fu training and stuff.
I mean, I'm sure it'll come in handy with soccer,
or if I join the circus,
but I have my own appointment with destiny.
Oh.
And... And tell Shen I'm sorry.
Maybe next time.
There won't be a next time.
He's gone to battle.
Alone?
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
The time for evil has finally come!
(ROARING)
Stop!
Evil must face the force of the leopard.
The snake.
The crane.
The tiger.
And the Yin warrior.
Jessica? (SCOFFS)
Why didn't you guys tell me it was her?
I would have been here yesterday.
About 10 minutes ago would have been nice, too.
Move, you big idiots!
(YELLING)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
Shen, are you all right?
Not too crazy about the pain, but I'll be okay.
Witness, Yin warrior,
the darkness of a new day.
That doesn't sound like Jessica.
It's Yan Lo. Oh.
I knew this weak Yin warrior would come to the aid of her monk.
Well, yeah.
And to save the world.
Right. And to save the world.
Attack!
(ALL YELLING)
(WENDY YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
Maybe you guys wanna jump in now?
(ALL YELLING)
(YELLING)
(WENDY GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS) (GROWLING)
Grandma?
What are you doing here?
I knew you would make the right choice.
Put on your great-grandmother's robe and save the world.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
(GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
Where am I?
Wendy?
Hey, Jessica.
You're kind of at the museum.
Why?
WENDY: I don't know.
You're supposed to be at homecoming.
You're late.
I am?
I mean, I thought everyone already voted you queen.
I've been thinking lately.
(SNICKERS)
And there are other things that are more important to me right now.
You better hurry if you're gonna get that crown.
Uh, yeah.
Thanks.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I am so proud of you.
Oh, Grandma.
Let's go home. Mooncakes on me.
I don't think this is over yet.
I was wondering why I survived this time.
(ROARING)
(ALL YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
Uh, Shen, any advice here?
I don't know.
This is first time Yan Lo has shown up in person.
Okay, that's not gonna help me.
(GRUNTS)
(YELLING)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
Let him go!
It's destiny.
You must let me go.
No!
Grandma, I'm losing Shen. What do I do?
Everything you have learned!
Let him go!
(GROANS)
(YELLS) (ROARING)
Shen! Shen!
At last, the days of doom become destiny.
No, I won't let Shen die.
This is not destiny.
(HEART BEATING)
I'm alive?
You're alive.
(YELLING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(ROARING) (YELLING)
(PANTING)
You changed the destiny.
I know.
Are you mad?
No, but the monks might be.
Yan Lo has been destroyed forever.
The legend is over.
How?
By something mightier than anything we could ever teach a Yin warrior,
true sacrifice for the world,
and a friend.
Our purpose is finished as well.
What about me?
This will be your last life.
Live it well.
He can stay?
I can stay?
Hey, you two, break it up.
(LAUGHING)
Where are we?
We're all on the way to my place for mooncakes.
You're all invited. (CHUCKLES)
Come along, now.
(TEACHERS GROANING)
You know, I really hate those mooncakes.
I've been eating them for 1,000 years.
Let's get a cappuccino.
Let's go this way.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)