No.
No means no.
Bonjour.
Carl, I know it's you.
Oh. Hey, man.
I was just about to call you. That's so weird.
Had your number dialed, was about to press "send. "
Did you block your number?
Yeah, I did. You never answer when I don't.
So, what are you doing?
Oh, just hanging out in my apartment.
- You did get my text, right? - What? Text? What?
We're all going out tonight.
Man, that sounds great. I wish I could join you.
I'm just so jammed up.
I'm totally off the grid, you know?
No, I don't at all.
I got a bunch of stuff going on. There's this thing I gotta do.
Any other night would've been great. Darn it to heck.
Thing? What thing?
Thing, you know, just a thing.
If I had my thing in front of me, I could tell you what it is...
...but I know there's a thing. - A thing.
I don't think there's anything written down in your fake calendar.
No, it says specific things.
Specific things. Like "get in line at the video store"?
What? What are you talking about?
I'm not at the video store. I'm in my apartment.
I can see you, Carl. I'm outside the video store.
- That's not me. - It's not?
Oh, I know what's happening. There is this guy who looks just like me...
...who goes to a lot of the same stores I do.
That's probably who you're seeing.
Wow, that's amazing...
...because his mouth is moving in sync with what you're saying.
Carl, I know you're not saying anything.
Carl, get outside. I know you're not talking.
- What? All right. - Carl.
- Look who's here. - Hey. You.
Hi.
- I don't believe it. - Rooney.
Carl Allen. Never thought I'd see the day, my man.
- Hey. - Thought you hung up the spurs, cowboy.
No, I just got a lot of stuff going on...
...some things I gotta do, issues pending, keep me pretty busy.
Yeah? Oh, I hear you, player.
So we are really excited for you to be here, Carl...
...because we have an announcement to make.
Honey, show him.
There it is. Deal with it.
We're engaged.
- Oh, my God. Come on. - Right?
- Big step, huh? - Yeah, it's a big step. It's a huge one.
Man. Moving fast. That's okay.
What has it been, six months?
- No. - Two years.
Oh, yeah. That's about right, then.
So anyway, we're gonna have an engagement party on the 21 st. Open bar.
Oh, you bastard. Always knows how to get me.
Nice. Carl, does that work for you?
- Yeah, we'll figure it out. - What's there to figure out?
Oh, God, look who's here.
I'm not falling for that, Carl. What's to figure out?
- Open bar. What's the problem? - I'm serious. Stephanie's at the bar.
- The Stephanie? - Yes, my ex-wife. She's at the bar.
Oh, God, that is Stephanie.
- Looks like she's with someone there too. - They seem to be thriving. Good for her.
They're touching each other's genitals. Isn't that amazing?
I'm so glad I came out. Love it. Okay, you know what? I gotta go.
- No. No. Carl, you're gonna stay. - What?
It's been years. You leave every time she comes.
Totally unrelated. It has nothing to do with Stephanie.
Carl. Peter.
- Rooney. - Stephanie, guys.
Hey.
- My boyfriend, Ted. - Hey.
- I don't believe we... - No, I don't believe we have.
- You're leaving? - Yeah, unfortunately.
Terrible timing too, because you just got here.
You just got here, too, Carl.
Yeah, but he's got a thing.
Yeah, that's a thing. There's a thing, and there's no time.
There's a time crunch, and time is of the essence.
Anyway, I am gone-orrhea.
Wow. That didn't sound quite right. Oh, well.
Whoa!
See you, guys.
- Oh! Hi, Tillie. - Morning, Carl.
Would you like to come over for a little breakfast?
Gee, that sounds great, but I can't.
- Some cereal, a little yogurt? - Yeah, no.
How about some toast, huh?
You know, I have to go to work, but thanks.
Good show tonight. Come check us out.
Your loss. Hey, man, wanna rock out tonight?
- Oh, it's you. Let me guess, no? - Yep.
- Yes? - No, I meant yes to your no.
Yeah, bye.
Persianwifefinder. com. No, thank you.
Costume party. Yeah, no.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
- Carl Allen has reported for duty. - I'm not a soldier, Norman.
You're a soldier on the front line of finance.
Norman. Line one.
Did you wanna get that? In the privacy of your office?
- I'll just get it here. - Yeah, or that.
You're with Norman.
Uh-huh. Are you sure? Because... Okay. Yep. Whatever you say.
Okay.
Remember that promotion we were talking about?
- Yeah. - It's not gonna happen.
Tried to fight for you on the phone there.
It was between you and Demko, and they went with Demko.
I don't care. I didn't really want the job badly.
I just figured after five years, I'd be the logical choice, but whatever.
Look at it this way: At least you didn't get shit-canned.
- Do you know what that means? - Fired?
How did you know what that meant? Have you heard me say that before?
No, it's a pretty common expression.
- In my circles. I made it up. - Well, it's catching on.
This'll cheer you up. I'm having a little get-together at my place.
- It's a funny hat and-or wig party. - Oh, man.
Sucks I'm gonna be out of town.
- You don't know what day it is. - When is it?
- Friday. - I'm out of town.
You spoke at the same time I did just then.
Like you were committed to saying what you were saying...
...regardless of what I was gonna say. - Hm.
I admit, business has been slow.
There's a lot less demand for a small Rollerblade shop...
...what with Big 5 and Sport Chalet...
...but my designs are gonna revolutionize the roller industry.
I know that, Marv, but you have no equity.
- None. - And your credit...
Bad, but I don't wanna sound desperate.
- Yeah. - I have no other options left.
Carl. Hey. Long time no see.
Nick Lane? Hey.
- You don't still work at the bank, do you? - Yeah.
Kind of why I'm sitting outside here, eating my lunch, wearing the nametag.
You must be running this place by now.
I could have. Had a couple offers. Didn't wanna get tied down.
- How's Stephanie? - Good.
God.
She's good. What have you been doing?
I've been all over the map, man. I've lived.
I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. I ate bat in Laos.
I shot a cow with a bazooka.
I'm not proud of that last one, but I did it, man.
- Sounds wild. - Wanna know my secret?
I'm a yes man.
The word "yes" has changed my life. Here.
No, thanks. I'm fine.
"Fine?" I wipe my ass with "fine. "
Wow. Okay.
- You don't wanna work here, Carl. - Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Why don't you take this rock...
...throw it at that bank and shatter the window?
- No, thanks. - Then ask me if I want to.
- Do you wanna throw that rock at the bank? - Yes.
Oh, my God.
- What are you, nuts? - Go to the seminar, Carl.
Stay right there.
- He's gonna break. - Stop.
Carl, live your life! You won't regret it.
- Whoo! - Hey, stop. Stop!
- I know you wanna see my band. - No.
Sorry.
- Hello? - Stephanie?
- Carl. - Yeah, it's me.
Just felt like calling you. I was missing you, I guess. Weird, huh?
Yes, Carl. I have to go.
- Ted and I are taking a little boat ride. - Oh, that's great.
Good for you. Good for you.
Jesus, Pete. I'm not in or I'm busy.
Oh, come on. You're halfway through, just snap it off already.
- Pete? Hey. Where you been? - You not been getting my calls?
What? God, no. Oh, I totally lost my phone.
You're so full of shit.
- Here it is. - Yeah. There it is.
You know what, buddy? You missed my engagement party tonight.
Oh, no. Oh, shoot, you're kidding. That was tonight?
- Mm-hm. - I'm so sorry, man. I totally gapped it.
Listen, I'll make it up to you. I promise. I swear.
You pick the day. Any day you want, we'll go out, swashbuckle.
- What does that even mean? - I don't know.
This wasn't drinks at a bar, Carl. This was my engagement party.
- You only get married once. - I certainly wouldn't do it again.
I know, Carl. I know that Stephanie left you.
And I know that you have issues because of it, but this isn't about you. It's about me.
When's the last time you did anything fun? You always make excuses.
"I don't wanna commit. I don't wanna be tied down. "
I mean, do you even know my fiancee's last name?
Yeah. Fisher. Fishman.
- Wait. Fishwall? - Fishwall?
- You think her name's Lucy Fishwall? - No? That's wrong?
- It's Burns. - Burns?
It's Lucy Burns, Carl.
And guess what? She doesn't like my best friend.
I keep trying to think of reasons why she should, but you know what?
- I can't think of any. - Pete, I...
I don't wanna hear another excuse, Carl. You do whatever you want.
I'm telling you, you don't change your life, you're gonna end up lonely.
A lonely guy, Carl. Lonely guy.
Hey, Carl.
Hey, Rooney, come here for a second.
Carl look a little odd to you? Is it me, or does it look like he's kind of dead?
Nope. No more than usual.
I don't know. I'm kind of leaning towards thinking he might actually be dead.
I guess I never saw him a lot, so it's hard for me to tell the difference.
Yeah, that's true.
He never did much.
- Wasn't a good friend. - Nope.
Wasn't a good anything.
- Are there more beers in the fridge? - Sorry, last one.
Now, that's upsetting.
What was that?
Welcome to yes. We are about to begin.
Please, find a seat.
Carl? Hey, Carl! Psst!
Carl, man, hey.
- Carl. - Hey, Nick.
- You made it, man. - Did you wanna...
Sure, let me sit down. I knew you'd come.
I saw it in your eyes, man. You're gonna love this. Terrence is a genius.
He's gonna blow your mind all over the room. He's like a mind grenade.
- I'm not sure I want that. - Yeah, but you need it.
That's why you're here.
You have got to start saying yes, my man, and I mean to everything.
It's starting.
Life.
We are all living it. Or are we?
Ooh, heavy.
Change is generated from consciousness, but where is consciousness generated from?
From the external.
And how do we control the external? With one word.
And what is that word?
- Yes! - Jeez.
Yes.
- Yes, yes, yes! - Yes. Yes!
- Yes! - Whoo!
The word is "yes. "
Yes, yes, yes.
- Say it a million times. - Yes.
Say it a million more times.
And the word you will have said 2 million times is:
Yes!
Yes.
I want you to invite yes into your lives...
...because it will RSVP "yes. "
When you say yes to things, you embrace the possible.
You gobble up all of life's energies, and you excrete the waste.
Before we begin today, I'd like to welcome our new members.
- Who among you is new? - He is. This guy right here. He's new.
- Over here. - Please don't. Jesus.
- Come on up, future yes man. - That's okay, I'm just auditing.
You can't audit life, my friend. Now get on up here.
- No, thanks. I'm cool. - I'm sorry? What was that you said?
- I said, I'm cool. - Before that.
Thank you.
Back up just a little bit more.
- No. - No man. No man.
No man. No man. No man.
No man. No man.
Okay.
If the molehill won't come to Terrence...
...Terrence will come to the molehill.
What's your name?
Carl.
Let me guess, Carl.
Someone talked you into coming here today, didn't they?
- Yes. - Yes!
And you're not sure about this, are you?
No.
No man. No man. No man. No man.
You're dead, Carl.
You say no to life, and therefore you're not living.
You make up excuses to the people around you...