(SNEEZES)
(SNORING)
I'm sorry I'm keeping you awake.
The antihistamine isn't working.
- How much did you take? - The recommended dose.
What kind of alcoholic are you? Whatever the box says, triple it.
(SIGHS)
Did you ever think it would come to this?
Sleeping on a fold-out couch with a face full of cat ass? No.
We've got to get our own place. We can't stay with Marjorie forever.
You sure? We're probably gonna outlive her.
If we dispose of the body discreetly, we can hang here for a couple years.
Maybe even cash her Social Security checks.
You've really thought this out.
Well, unlike you, I don't live in the problem.
I live in the solution.
(RATTLING)
I hope that's someone breaking in to kill us.
(LOCK RATTLING)
Oopsie.
Oh, hello.
You okay?
I am awesome.
- Are you drunk? - No.
Please tell me you didn't drive home.
Oh, give me some credit.
Plus, I couldn't find my car. (LAUGHS)
- You mean my car. - Right.
You are so pretty for your age.
Uh-oh. Bathroom.
(VOMITING)
Oh, my God. They're eating it!
(GAGGING)
Stop! Shoo! Go away! Go away!
Oh, God.
(VOMITING)
When did I eat corn?
Corn.
(ALL VOMITING)
You get her down?
Yeah. Had to hose her off first.
- Put her on her side? - Just like I used to do with you.
- How's it going here? - I'm just counting my blessings.
I'm at zero.
Violet's no angel,
but I've never seen her drunk like this.
Oh, come on. She's a kid. It's what they do.
Her mother and grandmother are alcoholics.
- Doesn't mean she is. - Doesn't mean she isn't.
She gave a baby up for adoption. Let her have a freaking drink.
I guess.
Still have to talk to her about it.
Yeah, teenage girls love a good heart-to-heart
conversation with their mother.
I wouldn't know.
Oh, you're good.
Go to sleep.
Night.
(SNEEZES)
(RASPING)
Bite me.
Alright, kitties, come get your breakfast.
That's odd. They're usually starving in the morning.
You didn't feed them anything last night, did you?
BOTH: We did not.
Good morning.
- How you feeling? - Awful.
- Aw. What's wrong? - She's hung-over.
You need to take some aspirin and drink plenty of fluids.
Christy, let me handle this.
Sweetheart, the only real cure for a hangover is to drink more.
Mom, please!
I'm her grandmother. I should deny her my wisdom?
No.
Just help Roscoe get to school.
It's okay, I got that.
I was trying to get rid of her, but thanks!
Violet, listen, I'm in no position to judge you for last night.
Then don't.
Is it just me, or is she getting harder to love?
When was she easy to love?
- Really? A bacon cheeseburger? - What?
You just had a heart attack.
There's lettuce on it.
So, how's our daughter doing?
Broke, homeless and alcoholic,
but better than her father's arteries.
Is there a plan for the old landlord?
Is she gonna pay him the money she owes him?
(LAUGHS)
Oh, you're serious.
Yeah, I'm serious. She could go to jail.
Please! They don't throw you in jail for running out on the rent.
- How do you know? - Unless you're talking felony,
the worst she's looking at is community service,
picking up trash on the side of the highway,
which can be actually quite lovely this time of year.
See, right there, that's the problem.
Oh, man, just because you still fit in your boy scout uniform
doesn't mean you have to act like one.
You raised Christy with no respect for the law,
no appreciation for right and wrong.
The girl is a borderline criminal.
Key words there: I raised her. You ran out.
Come on, this guy wasn't there when she was growing up, either.
You're gonna blame him for how she turned out?
- Now you're just being an idiot. - Am I?
I'm uncomfortable.
You were her only role model.
Everything she knows of being woman and mother, she learned from you.
It's a miracle the two of you never got thrown in jail together.
It's not a miracle. I run faster than her.
Anyway, I can't help thinking that somehow this is all my fault.
If maybe I had been sober when my daughter was growing up,
she wouldn't be turning tricks on the street right now.
That's it.
- I'm Bonnie. I'm an alcoholic. - ALL: Hi, Bonnie.
I've got to tell you, Mary. I think you're right.
I think your daughter's a whore because of you.
I don't say that with any judgment
because I'm responsible for this hot mess over here.
Hey!
Excuse me. I'm sharing. This is supposed to be a safe space.
Oh, my God.
How the hell do you turn my screw-ups into your suffering?
The same way Jesus did.
Mom, you really wanna take responsibility for the past,
help me now!
For God's sakes, I'm homeless.
I'm sleeping on my sponsor's couch and feeding her cats vomit.
What?
Sorry, I forgot you were here.
Get a job. Make money. Help us get a home.
You realize I kiss my cats on the lips.
Well, I must say.
You've had quite a smashing career in advertising.
Thank you. I like to think I could sell veal to a vegan.
That's not a bad slogan. You can use that.
So, you did your postgraduate work at Southern Methodist University?
Yep, go Meth or go home.
And you started out writing ad copy for Ogilvy and Mather?
Loved Ogilvy, Mather was a little gropey.
Okay.
And then you were with BBDO in New York?
Yep, I was VP BBDO-NYC. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
(CHUCKLES)
So, why did you leave?
To be completely honest, I was bored.
I had knocked it out of the park so many times with food campaigns,
I got pigeonholed.
I mean, sure, I'm proud of,
"Eggs, they're not just for breakfast anymore,"
but who wouldn't be?
Good heavens, that was you?
It was a team, but, yeah.
And from there, I went on to create, "Beef, it's what's for dinner."
"Pork, the other white meat."
"Got milk?" Which I pitched as a joke.
Fascinating. So, why did you choose our agency?
Honestly?
You represent all the big players in Silicon Valley,
and that's the future, that's what I want to be part of.
I have to tell you, Miss Plunkett.
- I am very impressed. - Thank you.
You are the most spectacular liar I have ever met in my life.
Excuse me?
I've been in the ad business for over 30 years.
You think I don't know who came up with
"They're not just for breakfast anymore"?
I said it was a team.
You are so pathologically shameless, I'm almost tempted to hire you.
Well, as I told Nike, "Just do it."
- Get out. - Thank you for your time.
- Hey. - Hey.
- What you doing? - Nothing.
- You're still in your pajamas? - Looks like it.
Okay.
We need to talk.
Oh, damn.
I thought we had a plan.
You were gonna apply to a local college,
get a part-time job, you know, get on with your life.
- I'm going to. - When?
Back off.
Did you forget what I just went through?
And do you remember why?
You gave up the baby so you could make something of yourself.
- I'm going to my room. - Violet.
You're a smart girl, you could do anything.
Yeah, except make you stop talking.
I swear to God, I am getting tired of your attitude.
Seriously?
You're gonna lecture me after you got us kicked out?
Okay, I may have messed up, but I'm still trying.
I am working my ass off so we can get back on our feet.
You just gave up.
- Get out of my way. - Don't you!
Hey!
You are messing with the wrong broad!
(SHOUTING)
Whoa, Roscoe, stay there.
Stop it!
You're upsetting the cats!
What the hell is going on?
She wants me to have a great life.
How can I have any kind of life when I deserted my baby
and I don't even know if she's okay!
Oh, honey.
I never would have tackled her if I knew.
I think about her all the time.
I know. I know.
Hey, why don't we go see her?
Really?
The Taylors offered an open adoption.
That means you can visit any time you want.
You want me to call them?
Okay.
Come on, you get washed and dressed.
- Then we'll head right over there. - Okay.
Wait, Violet, I'll get you some clean towels.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
ROSCOE: I'm still out here!
- Very impressive résumé. - Thank you.
Ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was trade stocks.
I used to have a kitten named NASDAQ.
Cute. I started young, too.
Sitting on my dad's lap, reading The Wall Street Journal.
Oh, my God. Did we grow up in the same house?
I think we did.
I don't know about you, I had no interest in dolls or boys.
All I cared about was IPOs,
currency spreads, mergers and acquisitions.
Papa used to say,
"Every time a closing bell rings, an angel gets its wings."
(LAUGHS) Do you know, for my 10th birthday,
my dad took me and my friends to the New York Stock Exchange.
Wow, you had friends.
Until that day.
So, Bonnie, 22 years at Merrill Lynch.
Why did you leave New York?
- Can I confide in you, Louanne? - Of course.
I came back to take care of my daughter.
She's mentally ill.
Oh, dear, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's been pretty difficult.
Honestly, I thought I was gonna retire,
but I need to go back to work in order to pay for her care.
Sure, sure.
If she doesn't have 24-7 nursing, she just tears off her helmet
and runs into the wall over and over.
Oh, my God.
Well, I would love to have someone with your background to work for us.
Thank you, Louanne.
Thanks for looking out for me, Papa.
Now, obviously, we're not a big firm like Merrill.
So we couldn't pay you a base salary anywhere near what you're used to.
I understand. What are you thinking?
Well, we couldn't go any higher than $85,000 a year.
Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
I'm not gonna lie, that's quite a drop.
But we have a great bonus package.
Hm...
Gosh, I'm sorry. I don't wanna waste your time.
No, wait, wait, wait. Uh...
What if we were to go up to $100,000?
Oh, boy.
You're really squeezing me here, Louanne.
- Alright, let's do this. - That is great.
I realized if you were at Merrill back in the '90s,
then you had to know Phil Eldridge.
Phil Eldridge?
Of course! Who didn't know Phil Eldridge?
Guess who's running our Bond Department?
Phil Eldridge?
You just stay here.
He's right across the hall. I'm gonna go get him.
- Yay. - Yay.
LOUANNE: Phil, you will never guess who is in my office.
Bonnie Plunkett.
PHIL: Who?
And this is little Gwyneth's room.
Excuse the mess. It's still a work in progress.
Wow. When I was a baby, I slept in the shopping cart.
And here she is.
Oh!
She's beautiful.
- She looks really happy. - Yeah.
I don't want to brag,
but the doctor says she has perfect poos.
- It... - No.
Do you wanna hold her?
No, that's okay.
- Can I? - Sure.
Hi, Gwyneth.
Oh, hi.
Aren't you a happy baby?
Thank you for letting us come visit on such short notice.
Anytime.
(BABY COOING)
Um... Sorry, here.
Hey. What's going on?
Nothing, she's great. Everything's great.
And that's a good thing, right?
Yeah.
I just don't have any excuses now.
What are you talking about?
I gave her up so that she could have a great life.
And she does.
And so that I could have a great life, too.
And you can.
But what if I can't?
What if I fail?
I mean, at least if I kept her,
I could have been this miserable single mom like you,
and everyone would feel sorry for me.
But now I'm actually gonna have to do something.
(SIGHS)
It's gonna be okay. You'll see.
Buckle up, Suzanne.
This is what you've got to look forward to.
BONNIE: I wouldn't work here even if you did believe me!
I don't get it. What am I doing wrong?
Come on, God! Help me out here! Give me a sign.
Hey!
Oh! Okay.
A sign.
Building manager, building manager.
I think I've got a résumé in here for that somewhere.
(TV PLAYING)
(GROANS)
Go eat vomit.
(KEYS RATTLING)
- Oh, good, you're home. - Yep.
I'm home.
I have good news.
You found my real mom?
Yes, she doesn't wanna see you.
I got a job.
For money?
Even better.
They're paying you in keys?
No, I'm managing an apartment building.
They're paying me with a free apartment.
We have a home.
- Don't mess with me. - Honest to God.
- Oh, Mom! That's incredible! - I know! (LAUGHING)
Wait, wait.
Do you know how to manage an apartment building?
I do not.
That's okay! Let's jump again!
(CHEERING)